MTG Wants to Subpoena the President, CEO, and Captain of Antifa

This week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) filed a bill in the House of Representatives that, if passed into law, would designate Antifa as a domestic terrorist organization. This morning, Ms. Greene explained to reporters just how far she is willing to go to hunt down and break up Antifa, once and for all.

“For so very long now, we MAGA Republicans have been aware that there is a sinister group, hell-bent on using violence and chaos to bring down America from within,” Greene told reporters, “and we were all very relieved when the Proud Boys started donating to our campaigns. But these Antifa jerks? We gotta do something right now about those Antifa jerks!”

Greene says she will use every power Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) handed over to her in his pursuit of the speakership, and haul everyone in positions of leadership within Antifa to congress. She’s willing to send Antifa’s executives congressional subpoenas.

“Kevin told me I could do whatever I want, and so what I want to do is send a sub-penis to everyone on Antifa’s gazpacho police,” Greene said. “That means Robert Antifa, the CEO, Tommy Antifa, the president, and of course, their captain, Captain Antifa. All of them will have to come before me, kneel, and beg for my forgiveness. Again, Kevin said this is cool, so it take it up with him if you don’t like it.”

We could not find any phone numbers, fax numbers, email addresses, or physical locations for Antifa, and therefore could not ask them for comment.

@jamboschlarmbo Don’t worry! #marjorietaylorgreene is on the case! #satire #politik #politics #january6th #political #politicalsatire ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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