MTG Vows to Show Baby Killing Dems She No Longer Believes Wild Conspiracy Theories

Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) will serve on a pair of congressional committees for the next two years, which is almost certainly repayment from alleged Speaker Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) for her support in his historic, 15-round attempt to wrest control of the gavel that controls the House of Representatives. Many wondered how McCarthy could justify putting Greene, who has said in the past she believed 9/11 was an inside job, on the Homeland Security Committee. Greene has also been a vocal supporter of the domestic terrorists who stormed the capitol on January 6th, 2021 during Donald Trump’s insurrectile dysfunction.

This morning, Greene approached reporters as she headed into her office to begin her work day, and told everyone that she is convinced she can show the country that McCarthy made the right call, and she has matured since first taking office two years ago.

“I think it’s just rude and unfair of those literal spawns of Satan to accuse me of being some wild conspiracy theorist based solely on my words and actions,” Greene said, huffing her crack pipe as she spoke, “because let me tell you all, I have grown. I have changed. And if George Soros would stop trying to ruin America from within, I could take a breather and show you all how grown up and mature I am. Hell, my vet stopped calling me a pony last week and said I’m a full-grown filly now!”

Greene vowed to demonstrate to “every baby killing Democrat” that she is a changed woman.

“I don’t care if I personally have to ask Mike Lindell’s sasquatch lawyers for the command code sequence to operate the Secret Jewish Space Laser Pointer and show every baby killing Democrat how grown up and mature I am,” Greene howled, “I will do it. Because that’s what American patriots do…when they’re not storming the capitol and terrorizing librarians about books they’re too stupid to understand.”

@jamboschlarmbo She’s a reformed woman, I tells ya! #MarjorieTaylorGreene #maga #Republicans #satire #politics #politik #political ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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