CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS — Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have announced a breakthrough predictive algorithm that they say has correctly foretold exactly what President Donald Trump will tweet during former FBI Director James Comey’s congressional testimony on Thursday. The technicians and engineers who designed the algorithm say that they have tested it over the last several days and have predicted with 99.89% accuracy what Trump will tweet about any given subject.
“There is no doubt that President Trump is unpredictable by nature,” Dr. Kermit Honeydew told reporters as he announced the release of the algorithm this morning, “and he even lists it as a strength. His supporters like that he keeps so-called libarded socialists on their toes.”
But, Honeydew says, that kind of instability is harmful for society in general, and that over the decades the world has grown accustomed to someone being the President of the United States that is at stable, even if they don’t agree with him. So, he and his students challenged themselves to design an algorithm that could look at Trump’s past tweets and then analyze a new topic or subject, and predict what Trump’s tweets would be about them. The Comey testimony is the perfect chance to “show off” the algorithm, Dr. Honeydew says.
Dr. Honeydew presented the media with a handful of predictions from the algorithm. First, he showed everyone what was predicted to be Trump’s tweet response to “roughly 85% of what Comey might say.
Trump may feel the need to reiterate his primary message, Dr. Honeydew said, and so the algorithm predicts that his tweets would become a bit more adamant at first.
Even after stepping up the emphatic nature with which he rates something Comey may say as false, Mr. Trump may yet feel the need to ramp it up one more level. Dr. Honeydew says that’s when Trump might enlist a technique familiar to most who visit any social media site. The “all caps blast.”
The algorithm also predicts, Dr. Honeydew told reporters, that Trump will use one phrase “approximately 3,000 times” during Comey’s sworn testimony.
Finally, the MIT algorithm has detected a “certain frantic and increasingly more unhinged tone and subtext” in Trump’s tweets since Comey agreed to testify. Dr. Honeydew says that the prediction the algorithm made for the last tweet Trump sends may come after Comey’s testimony, or it could possibly come “whenever he thinks the jig is up.”
“Now, look, this last prediction is kinda out there, we know,” Honeydew explained, “but we still think, after taking everything into account and after reading the comment section on InfoWars and Breitbart we’re even more confident in it. ”
The White House did not respond to requests for comment on this story.
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