Mike Lindell Says He Can Prove Musk Won Twitter Poll Demanding He Step Down as CEO

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell told a Newsmax host today that he has “irrefutable-ish proof-like things” that he says demonstrate “very clearly and concisely” that billionaire Twitter CEO Elon Musk did not lose a poll he recently posted, despite what the results seem to indicate.

Since taking over as the CEO of Twitter, Musk has employed user polls to make some rather large and important managerial decisions, such as bringing former one term, twice permanently impeached President Donald Trump back to the platform. This weekend, days after being booed for several minutes at a Dave Chapelle performance, Musk once more took to Twitter to poll its users. This time, he asked whether or not he should step down as CEO of the company he just bought.

Hours after the poll closed, and it appeared that Musk had indeed been voted out of the CEO role by Twitter’s users, Mr. Lindell appeared on Sean Spicer’s Newsmax program and claimed that he could prove that Musk actually came out on top of the poll.

“Sean, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that me and my team of sasquatchian investigators have turned up evidence that Hugo Chavez’ ghost conspired with Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, some guy called Benjamin Ghazi, and George Soros, and they rigged Daddy Elon’s poll,” Lindell shouted between hits from his crack pipe.

Lindell promised Spicer that he and his half-unicorn, half-human lawyer would appeal the results of Musk’s poll all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States, if needs be.

“With our 6-3 conservative majority, it’s almost 100% certain that they will side with us, and find that the globalist conspiracy to expose Elon as a dilettante and fuckwit was criminal in nature, and they will restore him as Twitter CEO. Mark my words, Sean, this will happen just as surely as I was right about Donald being restored as president…one day..prolly.”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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