3 Recipes From Gov. Rick Snyder’s Charity Cookbook of After School Snacks

There’s an old saying that one hears when traveling to Mexico. “Don’t drink the water.” But maybe it’s time to start telling people who plan to visit Flint, Michigan that very same bit of advice. Why? Because kids are literally being poisoned from the lead in their drinking water in Flint, that’s why. And while Michigan’s Governor Rick Snyder is in a whole lot of hot water over questions about when he knew the water supply had been tainted, he’s also not just sitting back and doing nothing. Snyder announced this week he’s put together a new cookbook of after school recipes for kids, and that all the proceeds will go to a charity he’ll be setting up to help kids in Flint who have been poisoned with their medical expenses.

Governor Snyder sent us a copy of “101 Fun Time After School Recipes (Please Don’t Impeach Me),” and here are three of our favorite recipes, below!

Grayish Nachos

Try this recipe on for size if your kids are nacho-philes like mine were!

  • Get tortilla chips out of bag
  • Put tortilla chips in bowl
  • Put shredded cheddar cheese all over the tortilla chips
  • Microwave for 30 seconds or until cheese is melted
  • Add hot, fresh, molten lead
  • Enjoy!

Pigs in a Lead Blanket

Who doesn’t love hot dogs wrapped in pastry? Besides communists, I mean? Try this new twist on an old fave!

  • Wrap hot dogs in crescent roll dough
  • Cover hot dogs and crescent rolls with bits of lead from various vintage toys
  • Microwave on HIGH for 2 minutes, or until the lead fumes make you pass out and die
  • Enjoy!

Paint Chips ‘n’ Dip

Do you know a hardware store in town that still has new old stock of leaden paint? Then boy are you in luck, because this next one is a real crowd pleaser!

  • Buy paint with a ton of lead in it
  • Paint a wall with your with your lead paint
  • Wait 15 years and let the paint get dry and cracked
  • Chip off paint
  • Put guacamole in a bowl
  • Dip paint chips in guacamole
  • Enjoy!


James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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