THIS STORY WAS REPUBLISHED WITH DIRECT PERMISSION FROM SISTER PUBLICATION THE PASTICHE POST. MEXICO CITY, MEXICO — The Mexican government has offered to foot the bill for any company hired to move outgoing President Donald Trump’s belongings from the White House to his Mar-a-Lago resort. Trump lose all his presidential powers at noon on January 20th, 2021, and has been having a rather publicly difficult time accepting that reality. For the last four years, Trump has insisted that his administration was building a new, massive wall on the border between the U.S. and Mexico. During his first campaign, Trump promised the wall, but also promised that Mexico would pay for its construction. However, four years later the country is waiting for the wall’s erection like one of the president’s $130,000 female companions is forced to wait for another kind of erection. While Mexico never paid even a single cent toward the bits of wall that have been constructed, Ms. McRicearoni says the letter from Mexico’s government “was dripping with excitement” at the chance to pay for literally removing him from office.

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“This morning we received a lovely letter from the Mexican government, offering to pay for any movers required to get outgoing President Trump’s stuff from here in D.C. to wherever he’s slinking off in ignominy to,” White House planning officer Karen McRicearoni told reporters today. “It was nice of them to make this offer, and considering the economic condition Trump is leaving us in, we’ll take any help we can get, frankly.” Regardless of any difficulties Mr. Trump might be experiencing, however, he will be moved out of the White House by January 21st, when former Vice President, now President-elect Joe Biden, is sworn into office. Having lived there for four years, one could reasonably presume that Trump has picked up quite a few momentos, knick-knacks and other items that will need to be carefully packed up and moved to his new Florida residence, though perhaps they might need to be moved to an undisclosed bunker in Moscow while Trump avoids prosecution, so that piece of the puzzle still hasn’t quite been put into play. However, now it seems at least some of the logistics of Trump’s exit from the White House have been hammered out. “We have waited four long, arduous years for this opportunity, hoping that the American people would deliver us a result in November that would allow us to send this offer along,” the letter from Mexico states. “So thank you! Thank you to the American people for doing the right thing! It would be our great honor and privilege to pay for the moving company you hire to get El Mierdo Naranjo out of the White House for good.” Biden will become the next president shortly after noon on January 20th, 2021.

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