When former one-term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump left office, he left having not fulfilled one of his chief campaign promises. The “great” and “beautiful” wall he promised not only didn’t get completed, the governor of Texas just indicated that in order to complete it, he’ll be asking for public donations to the fund in addition to the “down payment” he said Texans will make on it.
Former President Trump also promised Americans that it would be Mexico who paid for his wall, not this country’s taxpayers. While that also did not remotely come to pass, a new email from Mexico’s government to Gov. Greg Abbott (Q-TX) does offer funds to cover a large expense Texas likely needs to take up sooner than later. The Mexican government has formally offered to “loan or even gift” the money needed to upgrade ERCOT, Texas’ electrical energy grid.
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“Dear Governor Abbot,” Mexico’s email begins, “now that your state is facing the second climate-related failure of its energy grid, and given that we are neighbors, we would like to loan or even gift you the money it would take to upgrade what we can only assume is an electrical grid held together with chewing tobacco spit, empty shotgun casings, and copies of El Chingadero Naranjo’s book, ‘The Art of the Deal.’ Please, let us help bring Texas out of the dark ages, and allow us to help get you guys out of shithole status.”
Mexico decided it should help Texas out, they wrote, “out of neighborly concern” but also “for self-preservation reasons.”
“Your power keeps going out like some third world country, and it might force desperate Americans to flee for Mexico,” the Mexican government supposed, “which would undoubtedly mean that you’d be sending MAGAs, right-wing evangelical zealots, domestic terrorist Q-publicans, and some, we can assume, good people. But surely not America’s best. So it’s in our mutual best interest to help Texans figure out how to keep the lights on, and their gun lockers above the northern border.”
Reportedly, Gov. Abbott has received the email, but has not decided whether to take Mexico up on their offer. Former President Trump has also gotten wind of the proposal, and apparently sent his own email reply to the Mexican government.
“Hey, could I maybe get some of that cash? Not for me! Of course not for me! I’m real, authentical, totally legitimate-ish billionaire. I know it may not look like it since I ask rubes for money to run for office, but I am rich,” Trump wrote. “Still, if you could send some of that electrical grid moola my way, in a check made out to ‘David Dennison’ for tax purposes, that would be fan-friggin’-tastic. Much-ass, grassy-ass as they say in your taco bowl language. IVANKA WAKE UP AND TELL ME HOW TO TURN OFF VOICE TO TEXT SO IT STOPS!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.