Mexico Agrees to Pay for Commercial Time During Trump’s Border Wall Address

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO — Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador announced today that his country would pay for commercial time during an address from the Oval Office tonight, delivered by U.S. President Donald Trump.

Mr. Trump is expected to deliver a seven to eight minute address on what he is calling an ongoing “crisis” at the southern border between the U.S. and Mexico. The United States government is currently in a shut down state because Trump has reached an impasse with a newly minted Democratic majority in the House over funding for the wall he wants built on the border. During the 2016 campaign, Trump promised the country over and over that Mexico would in fact be paying for the wall, but both the previous and the current Mexican president have flatly denied that chance.

“While the Mexican government stays steadfastly opposed to spending one dime of our taxpayers’ money on this stupid wall,” Obrador announced, “we have decided it’s in the best interest of all North Americans if we buy commercial time to make sure truth and reality get equal time to delusion, racism, and Xenophobia.”

MORE: Trump Offers To Scratch Border Wall In Favor Of Giant Retractable Dome

President Obrador says he hopes that the commercial his government puts together will run in the middle of Trump’s speech, but he realizes it will be so short, the networks might have to air the ad before or after the address.

“That’s why we’re going to buy enough time for two ads, one to air before, and one after,” President Obrador explained. “Basically the first ad will be a voice over Trump’s face that says, ‘Everything you’re about to hear is total bullshit.’ The commercial after the speech will be the same voice over the same picture of Donald, but this time it’ll say, ‘Everything you just heard was total bullshit.’ We think it’s a very effective message.”

The White House did not comment on this story, as President Trump and White House Policy Adviser Stephen Miller were too busy crafting the right racist joke to open the Oval Office address with.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This