Mexico Agrees to Pay for Trump’s Veto

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has issued the very first veto of his presidential career, rejecting a bipartisan resolution that terminated his declaration of national emergency.

After weeks of political wrangling, the Senate easily passed the House resolution to end Trump’s border wall-related emergency 59-41. More than a dozen Republican senators joined every Democrat to push the bill onto Trump’s desk. Though it’s extremely unlikely that there are the two-thirds majorities needed in both the House and Senate to overturn Trump’s veto, the very fact that the first veto of his term came in large part thanks to members of his own party rebuking him is sure to rankle the president.

But perhaps for the most powerful whiner in the free world there is but a sliver of hope to save face. One of his most famous promises could actually end up being kept because of this ordeal. Or, at least it will depending on one’s point of view. The government of Mexico has sent word to the United States Congress and the president that they are willing to pay for the veto.

“We, as always and forever, continue to pledge to never spend a single red cent on the monument to White Nationalism on our northern border — no matter how tempting it is to seal ourselves off from the 25-30% of the country that actually thinks we’re trying to invade your country in secret,” the letter to America from Mexico states. “However, in the interest of being friendly neighbors, The People of Mexico have decided to donate whatever amount of money it takes to pay for President Trump’s veto.”

It’s unclear what, exactly, Mexico will pay for at this time. Even the Mexican government wasn’t too sure it “isn’t just trolling Señor Culero Naranjo.” However, the offered a couple of suggestions.

“Maybe we will pay for the paper the veto is printed on. Maybe we will pay for the toner needed to print the vet,” Mexico’s letter muses. “One way or another, any costs associated with this veto will be gladly paid for by the People of Mexico. Just not any pinche wall. Chinga your wall, Donny. Chinga it from here to eternity. That won’t ever, ever change.”

The White House has yet to respond to Mexico’s letter officially. However, sources within the administration say that Trump is already considering this a “moral and literal victory.” Some are speculating that he will claim this is a fulfillment of his promise to have Mexico pay for the wall, while others are concerned that most Americans will see right away they aren’t, in fact, paying for a wall.

“At the end of the day, the president has to make some calculations as to how gullible his base still is, and how big that base remains,” one source told us on the condition of anonymity and a bag of beef jerky. “As long as there are half a dozen toothless, cousin loving, God fearing, ammo hoarding patriots out there willing to sacrifice their morals, integrity, Medicare, and Social Security to defend him, President Trump will continue to make up emergencies, call breaking promises keeping them, and generally pretend the sky is green and water is dry until such time as he is no longer in office, or, much more likely, he is dead.”

This is a developing story.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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