Mexican American Has Surprisingly Little Problem Believing Trump Has Used The N-Word Before

LOS CHINGADEROS NARANJOS, CALIFORNIA — Whether or not the sitting President of the United States is on record as having used one of the worst racial epithets ever was not a hot topic for at least a few decades, but now thanks to President Donald Trump, it is one of a handful of scandals and negative stories plaguing him.

Trump’s base seems ready to dismiss the accusation that Trump used the “n-word” openly on the set of “The Apprentice” while now former White House aide Omarosa Manigault and he worked on the show together. But 35 year old Miguel Ortiz says he feels “fairly to pretty confident” that Trump is at the very least capable of “saying and doing racist things like a racist would.” Mr. Ortiz is a third generation Mexican American, and he admits he has an anti-Trump bias, but he says that he genuinely doesn’t believe his bias effects his ability to detect Trump’s bigotry.

“I don’t know, I just kinda feel like we’ve seen some fairly strong examples of him being pretty racist about people who aren’t white,” Miguel told us. “It’s just this super strong feeling I have, kinda like a Jedi with the Force, except instead of that it’s brown skinned people and a white supremacist president.”

To Stupidity, and Beyond!

Despite not trusting much of what comes out of Trump or his administration, Mr. Ortiz says he still “can’t shake the feeling” that it’s plausible there is a recording of Trump using the n-word.

“I don’t believe anything when it comes to that man, but I can’t shake the feeling he’s totally capable of being openly racist without any fear of consequences whatsoever,” Miguel said. “Can’t put my finger on why though. I, uh, imagine he might let loose with some racially insensitive rhetoric from time to time, sure.”

Ultimately, Miguel says “it might just be a hunch” but that he has a “kinda vibe” about the story, and deep down believes that Trump said the word, and it was all caught on tape.

“I just have a rapey, drug-dealy, murdery kinda vibe about it, that’s all,” Ortiz said. “When I figure out how I know he’s racist, I’ll let you all know.”

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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