HOLLYWOOD, CA — From within his private, luxury condominium in the hills overlooking the Sunset Strip, actor and newly-minuted Head Smart Guy at MENSA, the organization of genius-level thinkers, Vince Vaughn is doubling-down on his pro-gun rhetoric. Vaughn made headlines this week when he said that “of course” guns should be allowed on school campuses because “politicians that run my country and your country” have guns in their kids’ schools in a recent GQ interview.
Vaughn held a conference call from his condo in which he told roughly 50 reporters on the call that “adding more of the problem to a problem makes the problem go away” and that “clearly what cops want in a tense situation where someone has a gun is for there to be more people with guns to worry about who is on their side and who isn’t.” Vaughn told the press that he “just feels that all that money the NRA and other representatives of the gun manufacturer’s lobby to spin a tale of what the Second Amendment’s intent was shouldn’t go to waste” and that “maybe according to history books and common sense the Second Amendment was always more about an invading and occupying foreign government than it ever was about our own tyrannical government but I like things that go bang and boom and therefore I should get to carry those deadly implements wherever I want.”
“It’s like this,” Vaughn said, “sure, we live in a country where at least every two years we are given a free and fair choice in who runs our shit. But what if that government that can’t get along long enough to help us rebuild our failing bridges suddenly becomes competent and monolithic in philosophy so as to start coming after its own citizens? What then? What if this wild-eyed, crazy-assed conspiracy theory that the NRA has been ramming down our throats actually is some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy and all the people who they convinced had to stock up on guns and ammo, start waving their guns and ammo around? Will you be able to protect yourself from the people the NRA convinced they needed to protect themselves from you?”
The “Dodgeball” and “Anchorman 2” star went on in the conference call to say that he feels “every campus should have at least one gun on it” because “it makes complete and total sense to put a stockpile of guns on a school campus around a bunch of kids that can be stolen from the lockup or from the campus security force and used against the faculty and students.” Vaughn said that “freedom means being able to choose to do really stupid things in reaction to problems instead of using critical thinking.”
“Gun free zones are the worst possible thing ever, and they are the number one targets for gunmen,” Vaughn insisted. “All those banks robbed because there are never any armed guards there. All those stores robbed at gunpoint because no liquor store owner ever puts a gun behind the counter. Clearly, only places where there are no guns — like the D.C. naval shipyard and Fort Hood — are areas where people go off and shoot up the join,” according to Vaughn.
Vince said that “guns are just so money, baby” and that “people who are money know that nothing is more money than a society in which every single person could kill you if you piss them off.” Vaughn said “civil society is overrated” and that “if we don’t live in a country where we can’t arm each other to the teeth instead of spending money on mental health facilities and systems and having a real, honest and adult discussion over the common sense limitations that can and should be put on tools whose sole purpose to kill other living things, we don’t live in America anymore!”
Not everyone in law enforcement agrees with Mr. Vaughn. Mary Shanesworth, a 15 year veteran of the Willamette County Sheriffs Department in Willamette, MN says that, “While it’s nice that Mr. Vaughn is thinking of ways to address violent crime, he’s not a cop. He’s playing one on HBO now, and that’s great, but he should probably stick to pretending to being other people for millions of dollars, because his ideas on guns are just dumb. Plain and simple dumb.”
Shanesworth also pointed out that “Vince’s point about politicians and famous people putting their kids in schools with armed guards is pretty dumb too. I mean, those people’s kids are put in harm’s way simply being related to rich and powerful, elite individuals. So of course those schools would have more security, to protect both the loved ones and the rich or famous person from being exploited. It’s just common sense…that Vince apparently is too money to have any of.”