Melania Trump’s Husband Only Interested in Ivanka’s NFT

Today, former Third First Lady Melania Trump announced that she was entering the world of NFTs. Mrs. Trump’s NFT will feature watercolor paintings of her “cobalt” eyes. As excited as Melania might be about her new venture, there’s one man we know for a fact won’t be in the market to buy it — her husband.

Speaking to Sean Hannity during a radio interview, former one term, twice permanently impeached President Don Trump indicated that he will “not be a buyer for Melanie’s NFT.” Instead, Trump said he’d “spend all the money in the world” trying to get his “hands on Ivanka’s NFT.”

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“Sean, everyone’s doing an NFT these days. It’s quite exciting stuff. Hell, even that Melanie lady has one, I’m told,” Trump explained. “I won’t buy it, of course, but she’s got one now too. What an exciting time for art or whatever.”

Trump did indicate that he’s “in the market” for an NFT, but there’s only one artist whose work he’s interested in buying.

“You know whose NFT I would pay a lot of money to get my hands on? Ivanka’s. Her NFT is probably the best NFT I’ve ever encountered. So sweet. So juicy. So ripe, Sean. My daughter is so damn ripe and juice, Sean,” Trump continued to ramble.

Apparently, Trump’s radio interview may have angered his wife. Shortly after his third lunch hour of the day, Trump issued a brief written statement, which he is prohibited from sharing on mainstream social media platforms.

“Your FOREVER PRESIDENT was mistaken this morning. Apparently NFT does not stand for Nepotistic Filthy Twat. Let the record show, I now know what NFTs really are. I am still not interested in Melanie’s finger paintings, but at least I know what they are. And as a side note, I’d still be into Ivanka’s other NFT, if that’s still on the table.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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