Melania Asks for Separate Beds in White House Master Bedroom

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, the political world was abuzz because Second Lady Melania Trump was overheard singing, “Goodbye, city life,” as she packed up her belongings in New York City so she and her son Barron could move to Washington, D.C.

President Trump’s wife and third son hadn’t lived together since the inauguration back in January. The extra costs associated with protecting Trump separately from them had been a point of political rancor for Trump’s detractors. Moving into the White House, sources say the administration is hopeful that the complaints over extra security costs will abate.

RELATED: Co-President Trump: Ivanka’s In The White House To ‘Fill Melania’s Vacancy’

This morning, Mrs. Trump was overheard asking the White House staff to make a modification to the interior design of the presidential residence, particularly the master bedroom.

“Would it be possible to get a second bed put into the master bedroom,” Melania was seen asking staff, “and if possible, could I get the same exact sheets Mrs. Obama had. Such a classy lady. Wait, is Donald here?”

Melania looked around and didn’t see her husband.

“Yes, good,” Melania restated, “Michelle Obama is a classy lady.”

RELATED: As Melania Moves In, White House Staff Hurriedly Moves First Lady’s Things From Master Bedroom

All it took was one night reunited with the president for Mrs. Trump to realize she missed her former life in New York City, she said.

“It’s been a long time since I had to sleep next to him,” Melania said, “and I forgot how much he snores and talks in his sleep. I had no idea he spoke Russian so fluently. Must’ve picked that up the last six months for some reason.”

Mrs. Trump explained to the staff that over the last five or so months she’s grown accustomed to not having to sleep next to the president. Melania said that she’s never slept better or felt more rested in her life than when she spent that time away from the president. Being apart from the president has made her see that perhaps a sleeping arrangement like was shown on American television in the 1950’s and 1960’s would be right, especially given the conservative base of her husband.

Plus, she said, there was another reason for wanting her own bed.

“It gets really super crowded any time Ivanka shows up,” Melania explained.

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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