WASHINGTON, D.C. — One of President Trump’s most loyal and strident allies in the House of Representatives told the media today he plans on taking the highly-anticipated public congressional testimony of former FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller this week “very seriously.” Meadows said further that he plans to “give the third, fourth, and even sixth degree” to Mueller and grill him about a scandal Meadows thinks Mueller should’ve been investigating instead of “this whole hoax of a witch hunt.”

“I don’t care how many indictments Mueller got. I don’t care how many witches he ensnared, and I damn sure don’t care about how many criminals and scoundrels who consort with the enemy that Trump hired to surround himself with,” Meadows said on Fox & Friends this morning. “What I’m concerned about, what I plan on nailing Mueller over and over about is the scandal that I know real, good, clean, ammo hoarding, pure white, God fearing patriots are still up in arms over. And I won’t stop until I know why Mueller didn’t investigate Obama’s tan suit.”

Rep. Meadows says it is “egregious and unconscionable” that Mueller was given two years to investigate the Russians’ efforts to interfere in the 2016 election, and that he spent a lot of time tracking down whether Team Trump conspired with the Kremlin without spending any time looking into a tan suit that Obama wore in 2014.

“I want to know, and I think the American people, all of them, literally every man, woman, and child, wants to know just what the hell gave him the thought he could wear a tan suit, in this country,” Meadows said with incredulity. “The fact that here we are, half a decade after the Tan Suit Incident, without any more answers than we had before, shows you that this scandal goes likely all the way to the top, and I’m shocked but not surprised that the lame-stream media isn’t still reporting on it like y’all are with the so-called Mueller so-called Report.”

Meadows believes that there is a reason that Obama wore the tan suit, and that there is also a reason that he chose to hide the reason for wearing it.

“Could he have just woken up that day in the mood to wear a tan suit? Sure, but then I guess you’re also going to tell me that the sky is blue or water is wet, without explaining what they have to do with Benghazi, huh,” Meadows asked angrily. “The simple fact is that the suit was probably a gift from George Soros as a thank you for building all the gay marriage forced abortion FEMA camps he was going to put us in, but that Trump is smartly using to lock up the brown babies. But we might not ever know, and it’ll be all Bob Mueller’s fault for investigating what he was told to investigate, instead of investigating what the Republican Party needed him to investigate.”

President Trump lashed out yet again this morning at the idea of Mueller testifying, despite saying at other times that he didn’t care if Mueller testified publicly.

….But the questions should be asked, why were all of Clinton’s people given immunity, and why were the text messages of Peter S and his lover, Lisa Page, deleted and destroyed right after they left Mueller, and after we requested them(this is Illegal)?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 22, 2019

“You know, President Trump brings up a great point that I think I’m also going to ask Bob so-called Mueller about,” Meadows announced. “I’m going to ask Mueller why he didn’t arrest and execute Crooked Hillary Clinton on the spot for her various crimes that we conservatives have been dead-sure she committed and yet somehow could never find a shred of evidence for. I want to know why he went and found all this evidence of Trump’s criminality but didn’t do anything about her. That’s fishy, and I want to know why.”

Another Story: Eric Trump: 95% Of Unicorn Breeders Support His Father

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”