McEnany: “I Only Lied Every Time I Didn’t Tell The Truth”

This morning, former White House Bullshit Secretary Kayleigh McEnany continued her public defense of her reputation, and the job she did while working for former, one-term, twice permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump.

“I just find it so disgusting when people attack the work we did in the greatest administration of all time. And it’s really disgusting when they say we didn’t tell the truth,” McEnany said on Fox News today. “It’s like the whole thing with the clearing of the park; we didn’t clear it for the photo-op, and that’s according to a guy who we hired! Why would a guy we hired not want to find the truth, even if it made the people who hired him look bad?”

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Aside from instances such as that, however, McEnany claimed that accusations that she herself “was a big ol’ lying blonde fuck muppet” are completely untrue.

“Am I vapid? Yes. Am I blonde? Yes. Am I a fuckmuppet? Well, yes, I am,” McEnany admitted. “But I’d like to clarify something. When I said that Trump never downplayed the virus, sure, that was what some might call a bold faced lie, but that is so unfair because I just wasn’t telling the truth then!”

Ms. McEnany then leaned into her alibi.

“Really, that’s what all the Cancel Culture, woke intelligentsia liberals will never understand,” McEnany insisted. “I only lied every time I didn’t tell the truth. Like when I said that Biden admitted to voter fraud, or when I said a million people marched on D.C. for Trump after he lost the election, but before he lost his insurrection? That was me just not telling the truth, but NOT lying!”

McEnany even addressed a time she “stretched the truth to the breaking point” in relation to the Lafayette Square incident she now says she “feels completely exonerated about.”

“Yes, I said that no teargas or rubber bullets used, and yes that was demonstrably false to anyone who watched the video of the cops clearing out the protesters,” McEnany said, “but if you look at what I said, I was just stretching the truth because I was talking about my friend John, who was one of the cops, but he personally didn’t use any teargas. He just clubbed the hell out of a guy with a sign, so when I said no teargas or rubber bullets were used, I was only referring to John, but I didn’t say that part out loud.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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