McConnell: Republicans Shouldn’t Lose Elections Just Because They Get Fewer Votes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-Moscow) joined in all his fellow Senate Republicans in blocking H.R. 1, which was the most sweeping set of federal election guidelines put forth since the Voting Rights Act of 1964. If passed, Democrats argue it would have taken important steps to not only restore that historic guarantee of enfranchisement, but it also would help push back against red states trying to further restrict access to the ballot box. The Senate vote was deadlocked 50-50, deadlocking the vote under threat of filibuster.

In the wake of the 2020 election cycle, Republican-led state legislatures have enacted dozens of new voting restrictions, convinced that widespread voter fraud contributed to them losing control of the Senate and the White House. Despite losing more than four dozen court cases, former President Trump’s supporters have latched onto the belief that he was cheated, and have helped further his unverified claims, using them as the rationale for new voting restrictions.


This morning, McConnell spoke on the Senate floor and addressed criticisms he and the rest of his conference have received over their filibuster of H.R. 1.

“Now, I’ve heard a lot of screeching and moaning from my far-left colleagues and their friends in the press, but I will remind everyone that nowhere in the Constitution does it promise that Democrat votes will count or be counted,” McConnell said. “You can look it up, go over the document with a fine tooth comb if you will. But, more importantly, it’s just not fair for Republicans to lose elections simply because they don’t have enough votes to beat their opponent.”

McConnell blasted Democrats for “standing up for math” when they should be “defending every patriots’ right to feel like a winner.”

“So you’ll give out participation trophies to your kids for playing Little League, but you won’t let us win elections by setting aside results that hurt our feelings,” McConnell asked, his tone dripping with emotion and incredulity. “Well, that’s just poppycock, pardon my French. We are no obligation to acknowledge a reality that hurts our feelings!”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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