McCarthy Selects Q-Anon Shaman and MAGA Bomber for January 6th Committee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After several weeks of anticipation, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) has chosen the people who will represent the Republican caucus in the January 6th Select Committee. Efforts to establish a non-partisan, independent commission failed when Senate Republicans helped filibuster and scuttle a bipartisan bill to establish it, which led to the House Democrats using their power of the majority to establish a select committee to investigate the events that took place during a failed insurrection on January 6th.

“It’s with great pleasure that I announce the team of wonderful people who will represent the GOP in this select committee,” McCarthy began this morning, “but I want to remind that we don’t even need a committee because Marjorie Greene has offered to just talk to her buddies about why they attacked the capitol that day.”

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McCarthy has chosen Rep. Gym Jordan (Q-OH), who voted to not certify the results of the 2020 election. McCarthy has also tapped two people who aren’t members of Congress to sit on the committee.

“I’ve also asked Mr. Cesar Sayoc, known also as ‘The MAGA-Bomber’ to sit on the committee,” McCarthy said, “and we look forward to his valuable input. I’ve also asked the Q-Anon Shaman to be on the committee. Between him, Cesar, and Gym, I think we’ll have all sides represented — left, right, and domestic terrorist.”

McCarthy divulged that he considered putting two more “extremely loud and proud pro-MAGA” members of his caucus to the committee, but decided against it at the last moment.

“I think Marjorie and Matt would’ve been great for this committee, but they’re so busy doing their barnstorming and cross burning tour, I didn’t want to throw a wrench in that whole thing,” McCarthy said. “Besides, I’m not sure if the committee rules allow us to swap out members if they’re arrested for sex trafficking before the investigation concludes.”

Speaker Pelosi has the power to veto anybody McCarthy selects, however she has not indicated at this time whether she will object to the MAGA Bomber, Jordan, or the Q-Anon Shaman’s presence on the January 6th committee.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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