Matt Gaetz Worried He’ll Have to Leave Florida if “Don’t Say Gay Bill” is an Anti-Grooming Law

Friends and associates of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) — both of them — have indicated he is anxiously awaiting the fate of Florida’s controversial so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Though Gaetz is not himself an out member of the LGTQB+ community, sources say if the bill becomes law, he’s nervous he’ll be asked to leave the state.

“Matt was on Twitter this weekend when he saw DeSantis’ press secretary say that the bill is more accurately called an ‘Anti-Grooming Bill,’ and obviously that would give him quite a big cause for concern,” one source told Florida Politics Weekly today.

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Response to Christina Pushaw, Gov. Ron DeSantis’ Press Secretary, seemingly inferring that pedophiles and sexual predators make up a large proportion of the LGTBQ+ community has been largely negative. Don’t Say Gay has been criticized by equality advocates because of harshly they say it attempts to curtail any mentions of sexual orientation or identity in grades K-3, and whenever else is deemed “age inappropriate.” Detractors say the law could have a chilling effect on LGTBQ+ faculty, but also students who are unsure if sharing their identity or orientation might run them afoul of the law.

Some critics have noted the law might leave open the chance for commonplace discussions, such as a teacher’s or student’s family, might land educators in hot water.

Gaetz is currently under federal investigation for sex trafficking. He’s accused of paying for sex after shuttling minors across state borders. Gaetz would pay for the sex with various online payment applications, such as Venmo. Now, Gaetz thinks that he could be accused of grooming his alleged victims and that those charges could get him booted from America’s Dong State if DeSantis signs Don’t Say Gay into law.

“Matt called into the governor’s office today and he sounded alarmingly sober. That was one of the first hints we had that he was not feeling very well,” a source told Florida Politics Daily today. “He demanded to speak to Christina because he wanted to know if the law was anti-gay or anti-groomer, because it made a pretty big difference to a friend of his.”

A call placed to Pushaw’s office was met by the news that she was out having her sixteenth facelift of the year, and was unable to respond to Gaetz’ requests. This story will be updated once Gaetz hears back from DeSantis’ office and the media is given details.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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