Matt Gaetz Poses With Someone Else’s Daughters Holding AR-15’s for His Christmas Card

Never one to pass up an opportunity to join in on the fun his Republican colleagues are having, Congressman Matt Gaetz posted his family’s Christmas card to social media today. At least, Rep. Gaetz posted a Christmas card that features himself with a family, which was not his family.

Gaetz’ card features the Florida Republican sitting and posing with the family of Congressman Thomas Massie, a Republican from Florida. Gaetz is seen smiling, holding the same gun Massie held, Massie’s daughters, sons, and wife all smiling in literally the same exact as way as the card posted by Massie himself. Everyone in the picture is holding a semiautomatic rifle.

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Gaetz appeared on Steve Bannon’s podcast this afternoon and explained how the card came about.

“I told my staff I wanted to do the same thing Thomas did, when I saw his family’s card. I really wanted to do the exact same thing he did, especially the part about sitting near girls less than a quarter my age. The problem was, I only have a fake son, but no fake daughters,” Gaetz told Bannon.

So Gaetz had his staff ask Massie if he would loan Gaetz the use of his family. When Massie heard it was to “own the libs,” Gaetz said, he didn’t hesitate.

“Thomas told me he’s already used to other people getting to have fun with his wife too, so he didn’t see a big deal about loaning me the use of his wife and kids for the purpose of the card. I gotta tell you, his family is lovely. All of them. Even the ones who are too young to date I guess because of some dumb laws someone wrote once,” Gaetz slurred while sipping from a hip flask.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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