Martin O’Malley Temporarily Drowned-Out By Sound of Pin Drop at Pull-Out Presser

DES MOINES, IOWA — There was a moment of panic last night during Gov. Martin O’Malley’s withdrawal speech, which he delivered after suffering a massive defeat in the Iowa Democratic caucus, when a pin fell at the back of the room he was giving the speech in, and it drowned-out O’Malley temporarily.

The Huffington Post reported that before the pin dropped, O’Malley’s speech was peppered with good cheer and optimism for the future, despite picking up none of the delegates in play in yesterday’s caucus.

“This cause continues. This fight continues,” O’Malley said. “I have never been more proud of the people that have been associated with this campaign; I’ve never worked with a better group of young American patriotic men and women.” (source)

It was shortly after he made those remarks, that reports say a man in the back of the room was fidgeting with a sewing kit and accidentally dropped a small pin. When it hit the ground, witnesses say that the smattering of people in attendance suddenly found themselves incapable of hearing the former governor speak. Officials later said the problem was that so few people were in the room that the acoustics were such that any noise “above a silent fart would drown out the governor,” one campaign staffer told us.

From the time he announced his candidacy, O’Malley wasn’t able to strike up much interest in his campaign. Going up against the media juggernauts of Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders left O’Malley as the odd man out, and though he spoke well at the debates, he never made a large and lasting enough impact to climb up the polls.

In a statement, the Democratic National Committee had this, as well as many other nice things to say about O’Malley.

The Democratic Party is stronger for his leadership, proud of his campaign, and excited to continue to work together in the months ahead. (source)

This morning at a press conference, DNC chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz told reporters, “Sure, we’re stronger for our leadership, but his name doesn’t rhyme with Hillary Clinton, so ultimately we’re still glad Martin has done the right thing and pulled his campaign bus over so that people traveling in the predestined lane can move on by him to their fated coronation — er I mean inauguration.”

There are almost nine months before the General Election, and after the Iowa caucus, Clinton and Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders are still in a very tight race.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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