Local Domestic Terrorist Really Wants You To See Hunter Biden’s Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) recently told reporters in the nation’s capitol she’s “outraged and incensed” more Americans don’t seem to understand how vital it is to the Republic that they see Hunter Biden’s dick.

“Clearly, before our Lord and Savior Elon Musk purchased it, Twitter was established by Democrat operatives to accomplish one thing, which is to keep Americans from seeing stolen presidential offspring dick pics,” Greene howled as she pounded a Monster energy drink and intermittently took fat rips from her crack pipe.

Greene screamed to reporters that “the liberal, Secret Space Laser-run media” didn’t want Donald Trump to be president for a second term so badly, that they conspired with Twitter to suppress a story in The New York Post that published clandestine revenge porn featuring Hunter Biden, son of President Joe Biden, who according to the Constitution is still Donald Trump’s president.

“Everyone knows that Twitter is literally the only place people go for news stories. Even though you could just have gone to the Post’s website and read the story and seen Hunter’s dick yourself, it’s obvious to me, and every other red blooded, Confederate flag waving miscreant and patriot that Twitter’s former content moderation team threw the election to Biden, because if everyone had just looked at Hunter’s man meat, they’d think a doddering, racist, seditionist bully authoritarian was exactly what this country needed for another four to twenty-four years!”

Greene vowed to help House Republicans spearhead the investigation into Hunter’s dick when they take control of the lower chamber of Congress in January.

“Hunter’s cock is going to make Benghazi look like a garden variety scandal,” Greene shouted so hard she sharted.”I can’t wait to personally inspect his dong. Under oath.”


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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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