WASHINGTON, D.C. — No matter how much explaining the Biden White House does, it does not appear that it will be able to persuade a certain swath of the American electorate that they are not, in fact, preparing to send free crack pipes to states requesting “safe smoking kits,” but if the rumors had been true, it turns out they might have been able to count on a surprising ally from across the aisle.
Outrage has erupted in conservative social and legacy media over reports that President Joe Biden’s administration was gearing up to send kits that include crack pipes to states as part of an initiative to battle and curb substance abuse. Though the kits do include items such as disinfecting wipes and brass screens to filter contaminants, actual crack pipes were never intended to be. Speaking to reporters on the Hill today, freshman Congressterrorist Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Republican, indicated that she would have “completely and totally supported” the free crack pipe program.
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“It ain’t no secret that Commie Nancy has imposed tens of thousands of dollars in fines on me, just because I act like the rules don’t apply to me and refuse to wear a mask or feedbag over my long face,” Greene explained.
“I don’t mind payin’ those fines because it pretty much shows I’m the mayo-tinted Rosa Parks of my generation and all, but damn do they add up! I’ve had to buy all MY crack pipes second hand from Mike Lindell! So this is one of those rare times, and I cannot believe these words are leaving my equine face, but…I actually would support Biden if he started giving out crack pipes.”
Greene is so outraged that she will not be receiving a free crack pipe from the White House that she has taken what she called “drastic but necessary steps to protect the Republic from liars.”
“I have filed Articles of Impeachment against President Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris, former President Barack HUSSEIN Obama, and George Soros. They will be held accountable for making me think I’m gonna get a free crack pipe, only to break my melanin-free heart, again,” Greene announced.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.