Man Who Thinks Mexicans & Muslims Should Be Banned From U.S. Tired Of Trump/Hitler Comparisons

HOBART, ARKANSAS — Lifetime Republican and ardent Donald Trump supporter Clem O’Connell has “absolutely, positively had it” with celebrities and average Americans comparing the alleged billionaire to Adolf Hitler. On a recent edition of his weekly podcast, “Alt-Right On Target,” O’Connell told his audience that “lazy, stupid liberals keep calling Trump Hitler, even though Hitler was a socialist.”

“Let me just say this,” Clem said into the microphone, “Hollywood liberals want to draw comparisons between Hitler and Trump, and that’s just insane. For one thing, Hitler ran Germany, Trump’s gonna run America, so it’s already way, way different.”

Clem said there are other major differences between Hitler and Trump.

“People tell me,” O’Connell said, “‘Clem, look at how Trump talks about Muslims, that’s pretty scary and Hitler-like, ain’t it?’ Hell no! Hitler wanted to round up and exterminate the Jews, Trump just wants to eschew the First Amendment’s prohibitions of religious-based laws, tear down the implied wall between church and state, and keep Muslims from entering at all.”

Mr. O’Connell discussed Trump’s views on immigrants from Syria and other areas, largely from Muslim-dominated countries.

“Absolutely,” Clem conceded, “Hitler would interrogate people to find out if they were Jews, and Trump wants to have ideological purity tests for Muslim immigrants, but it’s totally different if you ask me. The difference being Trump doesn’t have a mustache.”

In the interest of equal time, Clem always has someone with the opposing view on as his guest, via Skype. This week’s episode featured Hailey Sipes, a recent graduate from Arkansas State University with a B.A. in political science. She asked how Clem and other conservatives could so casually call Hitler leftist just because he borrowed from socialist rhetoric to engage the working class. She pointed to quotes from the genocidal dictator himself mocking Marxism and abhorring its creator, Karl Marx.

“Sure, Hitler often spoke of his disdain for the Jewish Karl Marx,” Clem said to Ms. Sipes, “and he only used socialism as a way to sucker in easily duped people, and he didn’t really believe in the pro-labor side of socialist economic policies, but I hear the word socialism and like any good conservative I toss nuance right out the side and focus on the fact that my bias was just confirmed.”

Sipes then questioned Mr. O’Connell as to whether he thinks Trump’s “gross and exaggerated generalizations about Mexicans” tread near to Hitler’s anti-foreigner and antisemitic rants.

“No, it’s different,” Clem said.

“How,” Sipes asked plainly.

“For obvious reasons,” Clem said, “to anyone who’s not a leftist libtarded liberal of course.”

Sipes spent ten minutes trying to get O’Connell to elucidate those reasons, but never succeeded. She did, however, get Clem to acknowledge one, key similarity between Hitler and Trump.

“The dick thing,” Clem said, “even I gotta give it up on that one. They both have or had abysmal dicks.”

The current FiveThirtyEight projections give Hillary Clinton a 61% chance of defeating Donald Trump if the election were held today.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This