Man and Weed Dealer Have Agreement Not to Discuss Politics

LOS BURRITOS MOJADOS, CALIFORNIA — Every couple of weeks, 40 year old computer programmer Jim Lawrence buys a half-ounce of cannabis, or marijuana, from Michael Marshall. Michael and Jim each say they like each other well enough, however both told us they are quite glad that about six years ago they decided to never discuss politics with one another.

MORE: CDC Warns Libertarians: There Is No Nerd Immunity from COVID-19

“Mike and I do not agree on much outside of our love of marijuana,” Jim told us via Skype. “I started buying weed from him during Obama’s first term. When he came by one afternoon to drop off my half-O and pick up his cash, he noticed the Obama sticker on my car and gave me some shit about it.”

Marshall says that the debates he and Jim got into before their agreement to eschew political discussions “never got all that heated,” but he could tell that both men were walking away from the interactions with a little less respect for the other.

“I would sell him the weed and drive away thinking what a libtard cuck he was, and he’d go in and smoke some of the weed wondering why I like fascism and racism,” Marshall explained. “We like each other just fine, and so we decided after several discussions that we didn’t want to sour what we had going.”

Jim was the first to suggest maybe the two should keep their discussion topics away from politics.

“I told Mike that we both love pot, and both like watching our local professional sports teams throw, run, kick, jump, catch,” Jim said. “We live in the same city. We could talk about the weather, or our favorite restaurants. There are so many things we could talk about instead of tax rates and social policies.”

Jim and Mike think that more Americans could find happiness in relationships if they took their cues from them.

“Sure, we’re probably ignoring all kinds of problems all kinds of people are having, and sure, we should probably be able to discuss things that we disagree on because we’re middle aged men,” Mike said. “But I mean, fuck it, right? Life’s too short. Just smoke weed and wait out your sweet release of death.”

MORE: Disney Assures Visitors They Can Still Hurl Racist Insults at Employees While Riding Updated Splash Mountain

Like what you read? Consider becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, signing up for my Patreon, or consider dropping a buck or two in my virtual tip jar, via my PayPal.Me account.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This