REMOTE, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — The mysterious online persona QAnon announced in a 4Chan chatroom today that they would like to be addressed by a newer, slightly different nomenclature.
“From now on, please call us ‘Low IQAnon’ in all postings, YouTube rants, random Facebook comments and on Twitter,” QAnon told everyone late last night. “Thanks ahead of time for your cooperation. It’s vital to the success of ending the scourge of the Hollywood/Democrat/Liberal Secret Pedophile and Pizza Parlour Society that you call us by this name, fam.”
Low-iQAnon decided that a re-christening was necessary after signs bearing their original name started showing up at Trump rallies and thereby getting broadcast to millions of people watching online and on TV if they’re over 55.
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“For starters, we wanted to remind everyone to keep our shit on the downLOW, get it? Also, when we saw the kinds of people who support us being interviewed, we realized that we were delusional to think we were attracting the support of the smartest people in the country,” the chatroom message reads. “Clearly this is a case of un-that happening.”
Some have speculated that QAnon, now Low-IQAnon, may in fact be a left-wing activist, trolling right-wingers they feel are gullible enough to believe their conspiracy yarns.
“It is preposterous to think we’re just trolling you, FYI,” Low-IQAnon wrote. “You can absolutely believe all the stuff we tell you. Every word of it. Even the stuff that sounds completely and utterly impossible…especially that stuff actually. If we tell you you can fly, jump off the building. If we tell you your farts smell like ice cream, go shit in each other’s mouths and taste the glory that awaits you!”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.