Local Woman Anxious For Hatred Among Fellow Americans To Return To Pre-Trump Levels

LAKE GILMOUR, FLORIDA — Scholars and historians seem to agree, the 2016 presidential election has been a particularly brutal one. Though going as far back as the historical contests between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams those fighting for occupancy of the White House have slung proverbial mud at each other, the fight between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump has stirred up some particularly cantankerous and vitriolic rancor among the American people.

One woman, 34 year old Helen Snow, told readers of her blog this week that she is “ready for Americans to go back to hating each other at pre-Trump levels.”

“I just can’t wait until this whole election season is over and we can get back to hating each other at normal levels,” Snow wrote on her award-winning blog, adding that she wanted the animus between the left and right zones of the American political spectrum to get back to “respectful, historical levels of disdain and disrespect for each other’s viewpoints.”

Snow wrote that as Americans “we always respect each other’s liberties and freedoms just enough to call each other stupid when we express ourselves” but since Trump entered the race last year, Ms. Snow posits that the “vitriol and hate-filled rhetoric” has gone from “its normal position on the dial to eleven.”

“Or even twelve,” Snow wrote, “Hell, maybe a thousand.”

Snow’s piece pines after the “tried and true American tradition” to “mock and disrespect” each other’s political views. She insists that a “healthy, baseline distrust of your opponent’s proposals” is a good thing, but that things have changed with Trump. Snow writes that “the kinds of people Trump is inspiring to activate and unabashedly proclaim their racist, sexist, xenophobic views” is dangerous to the stability of the country.

“For 240 years we have had bitterly contested elections that ultimately result in a rather peaceful transition of power between parties,” Snow wrote, “but thanks to that orange windbag, there’s an element of actual danger and threats of violence if he doesn’t win, so I feel like that’s kind of a step back, really. For him to threaten to not accept the results of the election as legitimate is just bonkers, and it’s going to further embolden the wrong damn people.”

Helen says she’s not looking for the country to turn on a dime and love one another from across the aisle. Instead, she argues that “simply returning to a time and place where the left and right mocked each other’s views without calling each other’s humanity, dignity, or lineage into question” would be more than enough for her.

“We don’t have to hold hands sing fucking kumbaya here,” Snow concludes, “I’m just saying that right now two fans of the same sports team probably would have a hard time sitting next to each other at the stadium if one’s a Hillary voter and the other is a misguided, defacto white nationalist who supports that angry orangutan.”

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This