He Spent $150 on “Let’s Go Brandon” Merch and Now Biden Won’t Let Him Fill His Gas Tank

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — On the latest episode of his podcast, Jethro Bohiggins told his audience he was in the process of hiring legal representation and would be filing a lawsuit against President Joe Biden in the coming days.

“I’m gonna sue him, fam. I’m gonna sue the crack pipe right outta his son’s mouth. No, not the son who got brain cancer and died after serving in the military. The other one. Anyway, the point is, I’m suing President Brandon for making inflation happen,” Bohiggins announced.

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Jethro then recounted to his audience why he decided now was the time to lawyer up and sue Biden.

“Speaking of Brandon, fam, let me tell you why I think I gotta go get a lawyer and sue the so-called president, okay? This weekend, I went to the gun range, and there was a vendor out front, selling really some of the most hilarious Let’s Go Brandon merch I’ve ever seen. So, naturally I bought one of everything, and it costed me $150. Money well spent, obviously,” Jethro said.

After putting his new purchases in his F-150, which Jethro has modified with two enormous exhaust pipes so it can “roll coal” and spew black smoke into the air, he went into the Ammo + Shit and ordered six crates of ammunition for his at-home target practice and doomsday prepping needs.

Then, Jethro went to the gas station.

“And wouldn’t you believe it, I get out of my truck and see that gas has gone up AGAIN! It went up like forty cents in one week! So you know what this means, don’t you, fam? It means Joe Biden is literally not letting me fill up my gas tank. His inflation is making gas so expensive I can’t even buy a bunch of shit made in China and then go put gas in my tank, and that is why I am going to sue Joe Brandon in court, prevail, and get President Trump rightfully reinstated, sworn-in by Mike Lindell with his blessed tiny right hand on a copy of The Art of the Deal held by Sasquatch,” Jethro insisted. “Mark my words. It’s gonna happen. Q told me I will win, and I will win, goddamn it!”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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