League of Sexual Anarchy Inducts Charlie Kirk’s Mom Into Its Hall of Fame

CANTON, OH HI,HO — The freshman class of inductees into the League of Sexual Anarchy’s Hall of Fame have officially been announced, and for the most part the list contains the names one might expect to see. However, there’s one name whose inclusion has raised quite a few eyebrows.

Before yesterday, the League of Sexual Anarchy might not have been one of America’s most well-known sports leagues. However, thanks to their sponsorship of the NFL halftime show during Super Bowl LVI, that might not be the case for very much longer. Right-wing pundit and World’s Smallest Face to Head Ratio Winner for eight years running, Charlie Kirk, was the first to point out that the LSA sponsored the halftime show, which featured performances by some of the most legendary names in hip hop.

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In a tweet, Kirk blasted the halftime show and said it “should not be allowed on television,” claiming their sponsorship has inextricably linked the NFL to the LSA.

In a truly unforeseen twist, however, it turns out that Kirk might have been lashing out in anger because he had insider knowledge of this year’s Hall of Fame inductee class. This morning’s press release from the LSA had one name in particular on it that could have been why Mr. Kirk was so triggered by the halftime show — his own mother’s.

When reached for comment, the League of Sexual Anarchy confirmed that Mrs. Kirk, known to the kids in her neighborhood as “Chucky’s Mom,” was a “no brainer and simply had to be in our inaugural class.”

“Quite frankly, the league wouldn’t exist without Charlie, and Charlie wouldn’t exist if his mama wasn’t so c-hungry that fateful night she conceived him,” the LSA told us in a written statement. “We will be forever grateful that the flaming bag of shit, the literal flaming bag of shit, that is Charlie’s father, was able to woo his mother that night.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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