Pepe Le Pew and Mr. Potato Head’s Penis Lead Early 2024 GOP Polls

Published on

In the world of politics, it is never too early to think about the future. Right now, it might seem like a certain tangerine tinted white collar criminal might have the inside track on the 2024 Republican presidential nomination, but that is another three years away, and so much can happen between now and then. The truth is that in the modern age, the election cycles have expanded so much that it’s not uncommon for polls to be conducted just after Election Day to see who the losing party might want to nominate the next time around.

One such recent poll, conducted by We Poll You So Hard, may come as a real surprise to Joe Biden’s racist troll predecessor.

MORE: Texas GOP Wants to Repeal Voting

“In our recently conducted interviews, we asked people who they would prefer to be the Republican candidate in 2024,” Dr. Benson Hornaydieux, We Poll You’s chief data scientist, told reporters this morning. “The list included the former president, Dr. Seuss’s early racist works, Pepe Le Pew, and Mr. Potato Head’s penis. Those two were nearly tied, 40% for Mr. Le Pew and 40% for the potato dong. Former President Tiny Hands clocked in at 18%.”

It’s not surprising to Dr. Hornaydieux that polls show Le Pew and Mr. Potato Head’s penis leading the field.

“Over the last couple of weeks, prominent Republicans and conservatives have been talking non-stop about cancel culture coming for Pepe Le Pew and Potato Head’s junk,” Hornaydieux said. “So basically, Potato Head and Le Pew are getting the kinds of free publicity Trump got back when he started his campaign in 2015, and Republican voters are desperate to find someone who can actually beat Joe Biden. Because Donald Trump did not beat Joe Biden, no matter much he and his followers claim he did.”

Neither Mr. Lew Pew nor Potato Head provided comment on this story.

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.

RELATED: Dear Liberals: You Will Pry Mr. Potato Head’s Penis From Our Cold, Dead Hands


 

Like what you read? Consider signing up for my free newsletter. If you want my satire completely ad-free, just sign up for my Patreon at any level.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...

I Asked This Grand Wizard Why He’s Voting for Donald Trump and Not the Democrat

Ask any evangelical, Christian conservative and they'll tell you without batting a single eyelash...