Laura Ingraham Does “Not See What All The Furor” Over Her Hand Gesture Is About

CLEVELAND, OHIO — Conservative pundit Laura Ingraham sent shock waves through social media when she ended her speech at the 2016 Republican National Convention and appeared to briefly give a salute synonymous with a certain group of pro-genocide Germans. This morning on her syndicated radio show, she said she didn’t understand what all the controversy is about.

“I gotta be honest here folks,” Ingraham told her audience this morning, “I just do not see what all the furor is about on this one.”

Ms. Ingraham said that as she finished up her speech, she was “feeling really good about it” and she wanted to see if her friend out in the audience approved of her performance. However, when she looked out “into the sea of people there last night” she couldn’t find where her friend was sitting.

“I looked for his brown shirt,” Ingraham said, “but I saw a whole lot of people wearing brown shirts in the crowd. So that didn’t really help me.”

Then, she said, Ingraham remembered that her friend was white.

“But I saw even more white people out there than I saw in brown shirts,” Ingraham related to her audience, “so that wasn’t going to do me much good either.”

Finally, just before she decided to “call it quits” and walk off stage, she caught sight of her friend and reached out toward him in “a familiar way.”

“And that’s what the media is focusing on now,” Ingraham said, “and sure, maybe if I didn’t have a documented history of insensitive, offensive, and downright racist remarks toward people of color and immigrants, the way I put my hand up at a distinct angle, with my palm flattened out might not raise any eyebrows. But again, I do not see the furor over this one, I just don’t.”

At that point in her show, Ms. Ingraham said she was “putting this whole salute thing” to rest “in a nice, warm oven” where she didn’t have to think about it anymore.

“I didn’t bring Josef along so that this crap would happen,” Ingraham said, “I brought him along because it’s been so long since he got to be in the middle of an angry, white, right-wing mob. I wanted to give him a treat, but oh, mein Gott, the  media just will not let this one go.”

After ending the segment on her hand gesture, Ingraham devoted the rest of her Thursday morning show to discussing whether President Obama’s secret Muslim faith is behind a covert mission given to him by the ghost of Saul Alinsky to bring in Mexican rapists to America, which she reiterated fifteen times “isn’t racist, it’s just based on cherry picked stats and conspiracy theories.”

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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