Tammy Lahren Bashes Highway Safety Laws While Putting on Her Seatbelt

VAPID, TEXAS — Right-wing firebrand pundit Tammy Lahren made headlines at this year’s Politicon — a gathering of some of the biggest and most influential politically-oriented people from both sides of the aisle and everywhere in between. During a debate with comedian Chelsea Handler, Lahren was slamming the Affordable Care Act, or Obamacare, when she let it slip out that at age 24, she’s still on her parents’ health insurance plan. A key part of the ACA was forcing insurance carriers to allow people up to the age of 26 to stay on their parents’ insurance.

After Lahren launched a slew of attacks against the law, Handler asked her, “Do you have a health care plan or no?”

“Luckily I am 24 so I am still on my parents’ …” Lahren said. (source)

Lahren’s comments at Politicon strike a similar chord to those she made on The View earlier in the year. During a segment on abortion rights, Lahren admitted to being personally pro-choice. A firestorm on the right erupted over her admission, and ultimately she was let go from Glen Beck’s online production company known as The Blaze.

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Yesterday, Ms. Lahren was spotted coming out of a Walmart in her home state of Texas. She was spotted by a local reporter who asked her some general questions about how she thought her appearance at Politicon went. Lahren said she felt she did “pretty well” and that she hopes she’ll be able to “separate [her]self from the other screeching blonde right-wing trolls like Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham” with each appearance she makes.

“I think I killed it,” Lahren told the reporter.

Then the reporter asked her some more questions about her political philosophy in general. Lahren said she “just thinks the government needs to back off” and let Americans live their lives. As Tammy got into her car, she started ranting about how the government “always puts their nose where it doesn’t belong” and that “government never did anything right.”

“Not ever, not freaking ever, okay Snowflakes,” Lahren asked rhetorically.

Soon, Lahren was tearing into government over the roads.

“Libtards always ask who will build the roads if we don’t steal from the citizens and tax them,” Lahren said, “but what good are roads when we have to follow all these stupid highway safety laws?! What good, are they, really? What good ever came out of all those highway transportation safety studies, paid for with our hard earned dollars? Nothing! I say nothing good came of them.”

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Tammy buckled her seat belt. Ms. Lahren then turned the key in the ignition. The reporter asked her why she put on her seat belt because the government forces automakers who sell in America to install them.

“Because I -,” Tammy was hunting for the words, clearly unsure how to get out of the awkward situation she was in,”SNOWFLAKE! LIBTARD! CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK!”

Lahren peeled out, sped off and rammed directly into a cement wall. She was relatively unharmed because her head had hit the airbag in her car instead of the steering wheel. Doctors would later say the effect was “like two balloons smashing into each other,” and that’s why Tammy suffered no brain damage.

“Then again,” a medic at the scene later said, “the way Aryan Barbie talks, who could really tell how much brain damage she does or doesn’t have?”

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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