AIR FORCE ONE — The earliest reports of the historic summit between President Donald Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un are that an agreement that the White House is calling “comprehensive” was signed and very broad concessions were made by each side, but it’s still unclear what will ultimately come of it.
Afterward, both Un and Trump had nice things to say about one another, and Trump even said he had a “special bond” with the brutal North Korean dictator. However, while by outward appearances both Un and Trump have cooled their very hostile, very public aggression toward one another, word is that the nascent couple did have their spat over who was doing the other the “bigliest solid,” as the American president would later put it.
Back aboard Air Force One, KFC bucket in one hand, a straw with just the finest trace amounts of powdered sugar — which could also be seen on Trump’s left’s nostril — and with Diet Coke being mainlined into his veins, the president debriefed.
“Sorry everyone, but I had to take my undies off, the old family jewel zone was getting a little gamy if you know what I mean,” Trump half-apologized to his staff as he removed his trousers and underpants. “But you know, the Boss’s gotta let the old dog and his nutsack out, know what I mean?”
After almost a year and a half, Trump’s flight crew, aides, and cabinet all knew exactly what the president meant.
“I think that went perfectly, don’t you everybody? I literally can’t tell you how perfectly I think that went, but I think you call can. Right now. Tell me,” Trump demanded.
For thirty minutes, everyone told Trump he did perfectly.
“Thank you! It was nice of me, and so what if I had to lend a little legitimacy to a fascist, authoritarian kakistocracy,” Trump said, “At least it resulted in a photo op and a bunch of pictures and headlines with my name in it!”
Just then, Trump switched one of the TVs on Air Force One to Fox News, where Kim Jong Un was seen speaking to the North Korean state media outlet.
“It was wonderful to meet Mr. Trump, and I think this meeting went perfectly, don’t you, everybody? I literally can’t tell you how perfectly I think that went, but I think you call can. Right now. Tell me,” Un demanded.
The North Korean press showered Un with praise.
“Thank you! It was nice of me, and so what if I had to lend a little legitimacy to a fascist, authoritarian kakistocracy,” Un said. “At least it resulted in a photo op and a bunch of pictures with my – ”
Trump threw the remote out of the window of Air Force One. He was visibly upset. Trump ordered John Kelly, his chief of staff, to get Un on the phone right away.
“Kim baby! Dude! What’s up? I thought we said I was the one doing the propping up,” Trump asked.
Whatever Un said on the other end made Trump even more upset.
“No! No! I’m the winner Kim! ME! I WIN! NOT YOU! Stop…stop…no…I…you…no,”
At the time of publication, Air Force One was somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, Trump and Un on the phone still arguing over who helped the other one legitimize his government full of miscreants.