Kari Lake Tells Newsmax She Can Prove The Eagles Actually Won Super Bowl LVII

In an interview this morning, certified election loser and Not Arizona’s Governor Kari Lake informed Newsmax that she has “irrefutable proof” that it was actually the Philadelphia Eagles who won yesterday’s Super Bowl LVII, and not the Kansas City Chiefs.

“Sure, the lamestream media – the true enemies of the people – want you to believe the Chiefs won,” Lake said, “just because they had more points when the contest was over, and because you saw it with your own eyes. But, I have to tell you, if the American public knew what I know about the game, they’d believe me. THE EAGLES ACTUALLY WON!”

Lake promised that she would provide the public with what she called her “bulletproof, solid as all get out evidence” that the Eagles actually won Super Bowl LVII, just as soon as it’s ready.

“What happens is next is me and Mike Lindell will go hole up in his bunker he had built — you know, the one that’s guarded by the sasquatch mounted unicorn patrol,” Lake promised, “and once we have all the evidence fabricated, we will present it to Dan Bongino, you folks here at Newsmax, and other such venerated sources of true facts like Alex Jones and Dinesh D’Souza. At that point, it’ll be up to the American people to storm the NFL’s corporate headquarters and demand that the Eagles be made the rightful Super Bowl champs, or we’ll hang Mike Pence.”

@jamboschlarmbo Let’s hear her out. #KariLake #SuperBowl#SuperBowlLVII #Eagles #Chiefs #satire #Arizona #satire #politicalsatire #politik #politics ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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