Adjusted for Inflation, Sen. John Thune is a Privileged A-Hole In Any Era

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Recently, Sen. John Thune (Q-SD) railed against raising the minimum wage to $15 an hour, citing the fact that he pulled himself up by his bootstraps starting with a $6 an hour job himself.

Economists have been quick to point out, however, that when accounting for inflation, Thune’s job would now be paying $24 an hour. One economist we spoke to told us, however, that when one adjusts for inflation it’s not just Thune’s minimum wage job that comes into a more complete and fuller context. It’s also his “entire ethos and reason for living.”

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“Factoring in multiple mathematical computations, theorems, formulas, and shit,” Prof. Richard Dickerson told us, “it’s plain to see that no matter what era you refer to, John Thune would be considered a privileged asshole in any of them.”

The strongest and most compelling evidence Prof. Dickerson provided relates to Thune’s current salary as a member of the U.S. Senate.

“This dude makes almost $200k a year, which literally every American taxpayer contributes to,” Dickerson explained. “Despite that, he’s out there telling people making a fraction of what he does that they simply aren’t worth any more than what their boss gets away with paying them, even though when we account for inflation, they’d have to get a three-fold increase or more to make what HE made on minimum wage.”

With a sigh, Dickerson continued.

“If that doesn’t make John Thune an out of touch, privileged asshole, I literally have no idea what does,” Dickerson said emphatically. “So to go from a guy making minimum wage to fighting to keep minimum wage workers broker than he was when I was making it? That seems like data that puts my hypothesis over the top.”

Sen. Thune was too busy swimming in his money bin to comment on this story.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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