Local Conservative Celebrates Social Justice Warrior Who Used Cancel Culture and Taught CRT

Today, Jethro Bohiggins woke up, packed a wad of Skoal into his lip, and began a live stream of his podcast, “Rantin’ Right with Jethro Bohiggins.” Unlike every single other day of the year, however, today Jethro’s podcast didn’t lambaste “social justice warriors,” or mock “cancel culture.” In fact, Jethro didn’t even rail on about Critical Race Theory for half the show as per his usual.

Instead, perhaps curiously, Jethro dedicated his show to Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I think one of the things I admire about Martin Luther King is that he believed in Jesus and non-violent protest,” Bohiggins said. “Sure, he called riots the ‘language of the unheard,’ but there’s no way he’d be part of BLM, right? At least I don’t think he would. I don’t see it. Maybe the entire subtext of Dr. King’s message was that black lives matter, but he also talked about not judging people by the color of their skin, so he was also obviously very pro-white.”

Bohiggins praised King for “getting stuff done the right way.”

@jamboschlarmbo Happy #mlkday everyone! Even to those who don’t have a clue who he was! #politics #politik #ExRepublican #mlk ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

“Sure, he organized a boycott of the bus system in Alabama, harnessed the collective power of black people to punish rich white men financially, and we’d call that cancel culture today, but…wait, what was I saying,” Bohiggins asked, losing his trail of thought at one point. “Anyway, the point is that he did it the right way. He crusades for social justice, but he wasn’t a social justice warrior, in my opinion!”

Jethro believes that Dr. King would “hate and be disgusted by critical race theory” and would support efforts to block it.

“Granted, Dr. King’s whole entire message was centered around the idea that racial and ethnic bigotry was behind much of the socially constructed institutions and laws in this country, and that those laws and institutions are a constant barrier to people of color,” Bohiggins admitted, “but I don’t think he’d like critical race theory very much at all. Just a hunch though, and I haven’t had my morning Natty Ice 12-pack yet, so maybe once I do I’ll change my mind on all this.”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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