Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

“I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone.”

In Montana, elected Republicans have effectively thrown transgender Democrat Zoey Zephyr out of the seat her constituents elected her to fill. While her critics say Zephyr was booted from the House floor because of her “uncivil” behavior and encouraging a disruption, many others have pointed out that Rep. Zephyr’s actions seem to fall in line with traditional ways in which Americans and American politicians have protested what they feel is an injustice, and that Republicans have been particularly over the top and mean spirited with Zephyr.

Though he told reporters today that in general he stays out of politics, Jesus Hubert Christ did mention the situation in Montana during his weekly press conference. When asked by a reporter if he thinks Christian conservatives who have moved to silence Zephyr reflect well on him and his organization, Jesus tore into religious conservatives and said they are “clearly missing the entire point” of his teachings, and even flat-out denied that they’re Christians to begin with.

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“Look, if you ask me, treating transgender people any differently isn’t just mean and cruel, it’s literally un-Christian. And as the guy who puts the ‘Christ’ in ‘Christian,’ I think I get to have a say on this shit,” Jesus said. “I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone. My entire point was, hey, maybe in your mind those people are sinning, but guess what, asshole? You’re a sinner too, and more importantly, you don’t know if I consider any so-called sins to be deal breakers to get into my eternal timeshare.”

Christ lambasted conservative Republicans for being “too cowardly” to debate Zephyr.

“Obviously they’re scared of her. Of what she has to say. Scared of her making too much sense,” Jesus explained. “They’re acting like spoiled little cunts. Silencing transgender people isn’t Christian, it’s just cunty. Plain ol’ cunty.”

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Jesus is not messing around right now. #ZoeZephyr #Montana #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #satire #politics #political #politik #transrights

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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