Jeff Sessions Says He ‘Can’t Recall’ What Recusal Means

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, Attorney General Jeff Keebler Sessions ordered the Department of Justice to take yet another look at a 2010 deal that gave permission for a Russian company to take a 20% interest in uranium mined in Wyoming.

Donations to the Clinton foundation were made by people involved in the deal, and Bill Clinton received half a million dollars for a speech to a Russian bank associated with the business sale. Though the deal was reviewed by several government departments, the foundation donations were not disclosed, and Republicans in Congress have been insisting that the deal was corrupt and quid pro quo, also criticizing it for, in their words, giving Russia a sizable amount of materials used for making nuclear weapons.

MSNBC reported on the Uranium One Deal, as it’s come to be known, below.

At issue is a 2010 transaction in which the Obama Administration allowed the sale of U.S. uranium mining facilities to Russia’s state atomic energy company. Hillary Clinton was secretary of state at the time, and the State Department was one of nine agencies that agreed to approve the deal after finding no threat to U.S. national security. (MSNBC)

Those defending Ms. Clinton have pointed out that despite Republican talking points to the contrary, point out that she didn’t make any final decisions alone. They also point out that the deal has been investigated already and Ms. Clinton was cleared of any wrongdoing. Though Republicans seem to believe the initial investigations were either not thorough enough, or were tainted in some other way.

One development of note in all off this is that Attorney General Sessions seems to have violated his own recusal by ordering the DOJ to re-open the probe. Back in February, when he was going through the Senate confirmation process, he promised the Senate Judicial Committee that he would recuse himself of any investigations into Hillary Clinton’s email server or the Clinton Foundation. Sessions would seem to have violated that recusal outright.

However, this morning, Sessions held a press conference and explained his reasoning for ordering the FBI and DOJ to open the investigation back up again.

“Now, I understand that some may say this is a direct violation of my recusal, but I wouldn’t,” Sessions said. “Because I simply cannot recall what the word recuse means. Nor recusal. Do they mean ‘tacos are cool’ or ‘white people are just inherently better than people of color’? I just can’t remember the meanings of those words. I am sorry, but you’ll just have to take my word for it, and let me go on directing the resources of the federal government to persecute my political adversaries.”

This story is developing.

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Jeff Sessions ‘Can’t Remember’ If He ‘Lied About Forgetting’ Or If He ‘Forgot About Lying’

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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