January 6th Committee Recommends DOJ Charge Trump With ‘Being a Li’l Crybaby Bitch’

Yesterday, the January 6th Special Select Committee met for the final time and issued a series of criminal referrals related to former President Donald J. Trump’s failed coup attempt of 2021. The committee didn’t just suggest to the Justice Department that Trump be charged with serious felonious, and instead charged a handful of conspirators, including some sitting members of Congress.

There was one recommendation that the committee made that might perhaps be even more historically significant than seditious conspiracy charges.

“It is with a solemn, heavy heart that this committee send these criminal indictment recommendations to the DOJ,” committee member Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD) said as he spoke during one moment in yesterday’s proceedings, “however, it is with just as heavy heart and solemn feeling of responsibility that we suggest the Department of Justice also charge Donald Trump with one count of being a li’l crybaby bitch.”

Outgoing Republican Rep. Liz Cheney of Wyoming, one of just two members of the GOP that served on the committee, spoke more fully about the crybaby bitch charges to the press, once the hearing had concluded.

“I suppose that to some, the mountains of evidence that we developed that shows beyond any doubt that Donald John Trump helped devise, and participated in, a scheme to defraud the American voters and acted in a seditious manner, might not be enough to convince people he should be convicted of these criminal charges we are referring today,” Cheney said to reporters late last evening.

“However, there can be no doubt among thinking people that Trump has behaved like a spoiled li’l crybaby bitch sore loser ever since he lost. I realize that since thinking people know this, that means MAGA people don’t, but we can’t afford to govern to the lowest, dumbest, or most incestuous common denominator.”


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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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