James O’Keefe: ‘I have Video Evidence Obama Shot JFK’

Conservative crusader James O’Keefe was back in the headlines this week as someone very closely affiliated with him released a video that was reported to show Planned Parenthood’s Deborah Nucatola, Senior Director for the low-income health provider, discussing how she and her organization sell the body parts of aborted fetuses after the procedures are completed. The ruckus raised on the right’s social media’s circles was swift and loud, as the trafficking of aborted fetuses is illegal. While there have already been numerous holes poked in the veracity and authenticity of the video, O’Keefe is set to release a video that he claims will “finally show America how evil, wrong, and terrible liberalism is.”

“I have explosive new video footage that will blow the lid off the sinister liberal agenda,” O’Keefe said from his home during a press conference held via cell phone. “This video proves that the roots of the liberal agenda were laid years ago and have been steadily choking the life out of the Tree of Liberty like the weed it is,” O’Keefe continued. According to Mr. O’Keefe, who is perhaps most infamous for his heavily-edited “gotcha” video of the long-defunct progressive non-profit group ACORN that allegedly showed people who worked for the group giving advice on how to protect pimps and their prostitutes from prosecution, though the veracity of the videos has long since been held in extremely high-suspicion, this new video is “totally undoctored and just exactly how God intended us to see it.”

O’Keefe emailed all the reporters in attendance a link to a site called “libtardsareallevil.xyz” that contained a single streaming video. By the time this story ran, the video had been pulled, so what follows is a transcription of our reporter’s recollection of the video.

It starts with a video from the 2007 campaign trail, and Obama is giving a speech about Hope and Change. Then, a very sudden jump-cut to Samuel Jackson from Pulp Fiction firing his gun into that guy in the apartment, but it’s actually a two-shot of Jackson and John Travolta they digitally cropped and zoomed to focus on Jackson, so it’s blurry. Then it cuts from the last shot of Jackson’s gun to a shot of the Zapruder film of Kennedy’s assassination. Then, after it shows Kennedy being shot, it cuts to a scene from “Forrest Gump” where Forrest is running through the jungles of Vietnam with agent orange exploding all around him. Then it cuts to the World Trade Center buildings falling, and then it goes backwards in time for some reason and shows holocaust victim mass graves being filled. Then after all that, it cuts forward to Obama’s first inaugural address.

Reporters asked O’Keefe if the point of the video really was to infer that Obama was behind the assassination of Kennedy, the Vietnam War, 9/11 and the Holocaust when he was only alive for some of them, and we already have well-documented historical proof of who was behind all those things. “Yeah, sure you do liberal lamestream media jerks,” O’Keefe replied. “You have the history books your public school education gave you. But I have video proof! Nothing beats video proof! It’s rock solid evidence, man. You can’t deny it, man.” he repeated that particular phrase another sixteen times.

“This film is the conclusive proof you need to determine just how vile, disgusting, and sinister liberals are,” O’Keefe continued. “They killed Kennedy! They started Vietnam! They burned the Jews! It’s all liberals! All the time. No matter what the historical documents from the time show, no matter what reality dictates, the truth of life is what we conservatives believe in our hearts, not what we see with our eyes, hear with our ears, taste with our mouths and feel with our bodies. The truth is what we say it is,” O’Keefe said.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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