ISIS Thanks President Trump For His Retweets Of Britain First, A Far-Right UK Islamaphobic Group

SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA — A spokesman for ISIS held a press conference this morning in which he thanks President Donald Trump for retweeting three videos from far-right UK group Britain First.

“Britain First is a group after our own hearts. We unabashedly hate non-Muslims like they unabashedly hate all Muslims. Talk about being useful to us,” the ISIS spokesman told reporters.

This morning, Trump retweeted three videos posted by Britain First’s Jayda Fransen. Ms. Fransen’s Twitter bio says she is “Faithful to God and Britannia.” Her feed is a litany of anti-Muslim videos, negative news stories about Muslims, and in general is very anti-Islam. Ms. Fransen was also convicted today of hate speech law violations in the UK, and she is awaiting trial on more hate-speech related charged.

The content of the videos is graphic, but the details purported have not been confirmed by any law enforcement agencies. Trump has been roundly criticized by many people for amplifying Ms. Fransen’s videos. One such critic was British TV personality Piers Morgan, who has frequently defended Trump in the past. Today, was not such a day in their relationship.

ISIS, however, will not be criticizing Trump.

“These are the exact kinds of things we focus on in our recruitment materials,” the ISIS representative said. “Nothing makes our job of convincing people that westerners just indiscriminately hate all Muslims than when westerners act like they indiscriminately hate all Muslims.”

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Dutch authorities have already announced that one of the alleged attackers in a video that claimed to show an Islamic immigrant viciously attacking a disabled boy has been found. However, the man is neither Islamic, nor an immigrant. ISIS says that makes Trump’s decision to retweet the video “even more awesome” for them.

“The fact that at least one of the videos is completely made up bullshit makes it better in our eyes, not worse, that Trump shared it,” ISIS’ spokesman said. “Then again, we’re murderous terrorists hellbent on dragging the west into a cataclysmic, religious war and anyone who is willing to play right into our hands is going to get a big ol’ thumbs up from us, isn’t he?”

Last year, a member of British parliament by the name of Jo Cox was savagely murdered in the run up to the UK’s “Brexit” vote. The man who killed Ms. Cox, who was a leader in the Labour party that defended the rights of Muslims and Muslim immigrants, shouted “Britain First” before murdering her. The ISIS spokesman said that makes his organization “feel an even closer bond” to Britain First.

“Sure, it’s ironic as fuck that the two of our groups go around spouting non-stop hatred of one another and literally want each other wiped off the face of the Earth,” the spokes-terrorist said, “but hey, they kill their political opponents, and so do we. Maybe in another hate-filled universe we could be on the same sides of a religious race war. Oh well. Maybe next time. All I know is that we’re gonna recruit for days off this, so thanks Donny and Britain First!”

This story is developing.

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James Schlarmann
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