Hillary Clinton’s Been Driving By Michael Flynn’s House For 5 Straight Hours Shouting “Lock Him Up!”

RHODE ISLAND — The neighbors of former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn are reporting at the time of publication that a black Lincoln town car has been circling Flynn’s house since the dawn hours. Several eyewitnesses are claiming that the passenger in the back right seat of the car has been leaning her head out of the window and shouting at Flynn’s house. Neighbors are pretty sure at this hour that its none other than Hillary Rodham Clinton doing the shouting.

“She just kept circling the block,” neighbor Harold Richardson told us, “and when it got close to Mike’s house, it’d slow way down. The window would go down, and I’d see this woman in a pantsuit hang herself out the window and shout, ‘Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!'”

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Flynn could be in some serious hot water as the Republican chair of the House Oversight Committee told reporters yesterday that he saw “no evidence” that Fynn “complied witht he law.” Mr. Flynn was one of a handful of top Trump campaign officials who would lead the president’s rally crowds in cheers of “Lock her up,” inferring that Ms. Clinton belonged in jail because of the scandal involving her use of a private email server.

According to another neighbor, Sally Hemlock, Clinton started “changing it up” after about an hour.

“I think we’d all gotten used to the cycle of things,” Hemlock explained, “where she’d pull up, roll down the window, shout and then drive off. But by about the second hour of doing this, she started changing it up and using signs.”

One sign that Clinton held out of the window, Hemlock said, was a simple white sign with a quote of Flynn’s printed in large, black text.

“When you are given immunity, that means that you probably have committed a crime,” the sign read. According to Hemlock, Clinton also would shout “Lock him up” in Russian as well as throw nesting dolls out on the front lawn. Ms. Clinton also reportedly dumped a box full of furry Russian hats on Flynn’s door step, rang the door bell and ran off laughing.

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“One time, she came screeching around the block, windows down, and the Beatle song ‘Back in the USSR’ was blaring out of the stereo,” Hemlock told reporters, “and I have to admit, I got a pretty good kick out of that one.”

Representatives for Mr. Flynn could not be reached for comment. This morning, Co-President Donald Trump tweeted his support for Flynn, saying it was necessary for him to seek immunity before his testimony to Congress because he was the victim of a “witch hunt.” During last year’s presidential campaign, however, Flynn and many in Trump’s surrogate team implied that Clinton staffers getting immunity deals meant they had broken the law.

The White House declined to comment.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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