House GOP Creates Committee To Investigate Link Between Benghazi, Planned Parenthood, Hillary, and the Holocaust

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Hillary Clinton testified for eleven hours in front of Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) and his House Select Committee on Benghazi last week, the collective wisdom on the Hill is that Clinton not only came off looking presidential, but that Gowdy and his fellow Republicans were exposed as leading a largely partisan effort to derail the former Secretary of State’s presidential bid.

Many politicians and pundits expressed a belief over the ensuing weekend that the hearing would spell the end for Gowdy’s committee, especially because his party is about to launch a new scandal investigation into the activities of Planned Parenthood, but today anonymous sources in D.C. are reporting to several outlets that House Republicans plan to not only continue to investigate Benghazi, they will combine those efforts with the Planned Parenthood hearings, and they will also start digging into whether Clinton has any connection to those two scandals as well as Adolf Hitler’s Holocaust of the Jews.

“We know Hillary Clinton was involved in the Benghazi drama,” Gowdy told a right-wing radio host Monday morning, “but as a liberal Democrat, we are fairly certain she also had something to do with Planned Parenthood selling aborted baby parts out of the back of their taxpayer-funded abortion mobiles, and if she’s involved with the mass murder of unborn babies like that, can we really be sure she wasn’t in some way part of the Holocaust,” the former prosecutor asked rhetorically.

When reporters asked how Gowdy could possibly insinuate that Clinton had anything to do with Hitler’s Final Solution when she was born in 1946, and Hitler died more than a year before that. “Look, Democrats are the very best at hiding their scandals and crimes,” Gowdy told the media, “and they hide it so well that there is literally no evidence to support our theories. Which of course is totally evidence of the conspiracy.” Gowdy said that “just because Ms. Clinton was technically not born by the time Hitler died, much less planned his Holocaust,” that doesn’t mean she “didn’t use through her various skills as a witch of dark magic to influence him from inside her father’s testicles or her mother’s womb.”

“Let’s put it this way,” Gowdy later told reporters, “we don’t have any evidence that Planned Parenthood broke any laws and they’ve been cleared of wrongdoing in several investigations run by the states. We didn’t have any evidence that Lois Lerner targeted only conservative groups in her scrutiny of Super-PACs at the IRS. We never had any evidence that Hillary did anything bad on the night of the Benghazi attacks, and it’s not like we had any evidence she had anything to do with Vince Foster’s death.” Gowdy paused, “So how much evidence do you think I really need to in order to push the theory that Hillary somehow created the Holocaust before her own conception, really?”

Rep. Gowdy told the media that he and his fellow Republicans are only interested in government performing “one, simple task,” which according to him is “taking down our political opposition with a never-ending deluge of taxpayer-funded witch hunts and fishing excursions.”

“We can’t govern, and in fact we don’t want to govern,” Gowdy said, “and no one should be surprised by that. We profess a deep, abiding distrust of the very damn government we’re begging you to let us control. Think about that. It’s like a veterinarian asking to care for your sick dog and then taking it out back and clubbing it to death, handing it to you, and saying, ‘There you go, now your dog isn’t sick anymore’ and handing you a big, fat tax bill at the end of it all. So of course we’re going to just spend millions and millions of dollars on these scandal hearings instead of doing any actual governing, which we’re not interested in in the slightest anyway.”

Clinton’s campaign released a brief, three-letter response when asked about the new allegations, “LOL. -HRC”