SOMEWHERE IN A DEEP STATE BUNKER — “Hillary Clinton is so fuckin’ high right now, guys. ”
That was the message that was received over the Libtarded Press Secret Communique Network just minutes ago. The LPSCN was established in order to disseminate vital information regarding libtarded luminaries and loony liberal figureheads to the libtarded masses. In a very brief communication, it was announced that upon hearing that Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen were both headed to federal prisons very, very soon, Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton began a spontaneous celebration that has yet, as of the time of publication, to end.
“Secretary of State Clinton is quite used to being on the opposite side of Trump associates, so being on the opposite sides prison walls shouldn’t be too hard for her to handle,” the statement reads. “Upon hearing the news, Ms. Clinton jumped up in the air, took her hair down, and opened up the private reserve stash of heavy-duty cannabis, bootleg gin, and the finest uncut Colombian coke available.”
Clinton ordered dance music put on right away, and started pouring shots of gin down everyone’s throats while she passed a “fat ass jay” around the around. At the time of publication, word is that Ms. Clinton is doing enormous lines of coke off giant, laminated copies of this Michael Cohen tweet:
@HillaryClinton when you go to prison for defrauding America and perjury, your room and board will be free!
— Michael Cohen (@MichaelCohen212) December 20, 2015
“Lock her up, eh motherfuckers? Kiss MY tits with that shit,” Hillary was heard screaming while she punched a life-sized cutout of Stephen Miller in the dick.
This is a developing story.