HIllary Clinton Is So Fuckin’ High Right Now, Guys

SOMEWHERE IN A DEEP STATE BUNKER — “Hillary Clinton is so fuckin’ high right now, guys. ”

That was the message that was received over the Libtarded Press Secret Communique Network just minutes ago. The LPSCN was established in order to disseminate vital information regarding libtarded luminaries and loony liberal figureheads to the libtarded masses. In a very brief communication, it was announced that upon hearing that Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen were both headed to federal prisons very, very soon, Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton began a spontaneous celebration that has yet, as of the time of publication, to end.

“Secretary of State Clinton is quite used to being on the opposite side of Trump associates, so being on the opposite sides prison walls shouldn’t be too hard for her to handle,” the statement reads. “Upon hearing the news, Ms. Clinton jumped up in the air, took her hair down, and opened up the private reserve stash of heavy-duty cannabis, bootleg gin, and the finest uncut Colombian coke available.”



Clinton ordered dance music put on right away, and started pouring shots of gin down everyone’s throats while she passed a “fat ass jay” around the around. At the time of publication, word is that Ms. Clinton is doing enormous lines of coke off giant, laminated copies of this Michael Cohen tweet:

“Lock her up, eh motherfuckers? Kiss MY tits with that shit,” Hillary was heard screaming while she punched a life-sized cutout of Stephen Miller in the dick.

This is a developing story.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This