Hillary Clinton Offers To Represent President Trump In His Impeachment Trial

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has offered her services as attorney to President Donald Trump during any impeachment proceedings.

“I called Donald today and I told him that with the mid-terms this coming November he may want to start planning now,” Clinton told a radio station this morning. “If his party loses control of Congress, the way he’s conducted himself and his administration, to say nothing of Special Counsel Mueller’s investigation and all the indictments, he could find himself being impeached, no doubt about it.”

Ms. Clinton said that she feels uniquely qualified to represent Trump in impeachment proceedings, because of her past work as both a lawyer, and a First Lady.

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“Look, I’m a successful attorney, I worked on the Watergate team, and I was married to a guy who was impeached,” Clinton said. “I’m not saying that makes me the only one who should represent the president. I’m just saying I’m very qualified on a number of fronts.”

Clinton said she hoped Mr. Trump remembers they once didn’t have all the animosity between them. At one point, the Trump family and the Clintons were not enemies, the former First Lady said. When Trump was donating to both her husband’s and her own campaign coffers, there was no bad blood.

“We went to his wedding to Melania,” Clinton said. “And we’ll be there for his fourth wedding if he wants, as soon as Ivanka says yes.  So it would be my honor to be his legal representation in his impeachment proceeding. That’s what friends are for, after all.”

Despite hearing chants of “Lock her up!” throughout the 2016 presidential election, chants that were lead by Trump and his supporters, Clinton says she would be able to provide Mr. Trump with “top notch, unbiased legal advice.”

“I mean, I’m not sure I could be the kind of lawyer he’s used to, because I’ve never used campaign funds to pay off a porn star and messed it up so badly that I was raided by the FBI or anything,” Clinton said. “But I’m sure I can provide Mr. Trump with top notch, unbiased legal advice.”

The best part for Mr. Trump might be that Clinton has said she’d be willing to do the work pro bono.

“Sure, I’d like to get paid. But I don’t need the money,” Clinton said. “Besides, we all know Donald has a problem paying his own bills, and I don’t accept rubles as payment.”

The White House has yet to respond to Ms. Clinton’s offer.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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