WASHINGTON, D.C. — Officials with the Federal Emergency Management Agency are telling members of Congress and the media that there might not be enough room in their camps for those displaced by the ravages of Hurricane Harvey. Having already dumped more than 9 trillion gallons of water on the Lone Star State, the southern coast of Texas is bracing for even more. Rescue efforts are underway using any and all serviceable watercraft in the area, but FEMA officials have been cautioning both the public and lawmakers about overflowing emergency camps.
“The simple fact is that President Obama rounded up so many good, clean, ammo hoarding, gun toting, Muslim Bible burning, Republicans and put them into FEMA camps that we may simply not have enough room for people who have lost their homes in Hurricane Harvey,” Kathleen Frumm, FEMA Junior Deputy Media Liaison, told reporters this morning at a press conference in Austin.
For much of his two terms, there was a rampant rumor that President Barack Hussein Obama had every intention of banning the sale of ammunition, confiscating every American’s guns, and rounding up those who didn’t fall in line with the liberal agenda. Those dissidents would be put into various FEMA camps, which the government told everyone was for situations like the one on the Gulf Coast now, where Harvey has caused cataclysmic damage. The FEMA camps would be like conservative concentration camps, the rumor went.
Many dismissed those rumors as nothing more than conspiracy theories, but today, Frumm confirmed that the camps are real, and they are very much so filled with conservatives rounded up during the Obama era.
“Once all the day’s forced gay marriages were finished, we did a headcount and we figured out we’re in deep trouble,” Frumm said.
President Trump has been briefed on the situation, and the White House has said they will have a plan for emptying the FEMA camps of their imprisoned conservatives within a couple of weeks. Reportedly, Trump was hoping to use the FEMA camps for his own set of detainees — Muslims, Mexicans, and all non-whites in the country — but has resigned himself to the fact that he’s going to have to help people in their time of need with the camps instead.
“Ugh, really, do I have to,” Trump was overheard telling his chief of staff on Air Force One when he realized he’d have to find another way to round up all the Mexicans.
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Reached for comment, former President Obama he’d fly back from a vacation to his home state shortly and help Trump empty the camps.
“But flights from Kenya are long, y’all,” Obama wrote in an email to the press, “so it might take me some time. The interdimensional teleportation device that Master Soros had created is on the fritz. But we’ll make sure all the conservatives and their guns are back on the streets, and in no time they’ll be back where they feel most comfortable — guarding a statue of a man who killed his fellow Americans so that rich southerners could keep owning my ancestors.”
This is a developing story.