Can Getting Hair Plugs Also Cure Your Rich Cuntitis?

One thing is clear about them — hair plugs will make it look like you never lost your hair in the first place. Hair transplant technology has been on the market for decades, and many people have taken advantage of it, to amazing results. If you have the time and money, going bald can be a problem in your rear view mirror with hair plugs.

What is still very much so uncertain, however, is what hair plugs can do for your rich cuntitis. Now, you can’t be blamed if you don’t know what rich cuntitis is, since it only impacts the super wealthy, and the simple math is that you are highly likely not super wealthy. Rich cuntitis is the clinical, medical diagnosis of being a rich cunt.

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“Rich cuntitis is rare, of course, but only because the level of wealth it takes to become susceptible to it is a level of wealth 99% of people will never achieve. But it’s very real, and unlike most diseases, it mostly threatens people other than the one who has it,” Dr. Benson Hornaydieux of the National Institute of Medical Things told us about rich cuntitis.

The question of hair plugs’ effectiveness in combatting rich cuntitis is a particularly difficult one to answer, and there isn’t much data to find on the topic. In fact, there’s only been one easily confirmed hair plug patient who also happened to be a rich cunt. Based on his specific situation, it would seem that hair plugs have no impact on rich cuntitis.

In all fairness to rich cunts and hair plugs, however, we’d only be making a judgment based on one billionaire sociopath cunt, not based on data from a larger sampling of rich cunts. Sure, trolling people about giving billions of dollars to fight hunger pretty much makes this guy an irredeemable rich cunt, but that doesn’t mean hair plugs couldn’t conceivably help defeat rich cuntitis that someone else has, does it?

When we have more data, we’ll update this story.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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