Greene Vows to Use Secret Jewish Space Laser to Destroy Pelosi’s ‘Anti-Semitic Holocaust Masks’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, Freshman Qongresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia threatened to “unleash the full destructive powers” of a secret Jewish space laser on facemasks in the House of Representatives. It’s not clear at this time how, exactly, Greene would use a laser somewhere in space to hit multiple targets down on Earth, however she told OAN’s Jack “Rape Melania” Posobiec that she would do exactly that.

“I may not be a genius, Jack, and I may not actually know what antisemitism or even communism are,” Greene said, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t be right about how Nancy Pelosi is Holocaust-ing all of us with the mask requirements! I know I am right! And because I’m right, we need to be willing to take extreme measures, like blowing the masks up using a secret Jewish space laser!”

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Greene has been taking criticism from progressives and even moderate Republicans for comparing the House masking guidelines to how Jewish people were treated by Hitler’s regime during the Holocaust. During a podcast interview, Greene compared being asked to still wear a mask on the House floor with Jews being forced to wear yellow stars. Greene has also spent a considerable amount of time labeling progressive female members of the House as antisemitic not supporting the disproportionate Israeli response to Hamas rockets during roughly a week of recent violence between the two. Dozens of Palestinian civilians, including children, were killed.

“If anyone is an expert on what antisemitism looks like it’s the woman who knows flat-out that the Jews built a secret space laser,” Greene told Posobiec. “The way I figure it, I should use that laser to destroy Pelosi’s Holocaust-ing ways. That is the exact kind of thing we should be doing, if you ask me.”

Qongresswoman Greene didn’t set any concrete timelines for when Americans should expect to see her using the secret Jewish space laser. She did, however, promise that it would be “bigly spectacular” when she does.

“Here’s what I know for sure, Jack, we need to get Nancy Pelosi’s Anti-Semitic Holocaust masks out of the People’s House,” Greene insisted, “and I mean the RIGHT people. The, you know, MELANIN-FREE people’s house. And if I have to use the secret Jewish space laser to do it, then that’s what I’ll do. Unless Q tells me to do something else, of course!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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