Greene: Oversight Board Should Have Forced Facebook to Bake Trump’s ‘Bullshit Cake’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Given that she is one of former President Donald John Toadstool Cock Trump’s most ardent supporters on the Hill, there are probably not many who would be surprised that Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) announced her “extreme displeasure” at the news that broke from Facebook’s independent oversight board this morning. Though the board, which Facebook has said has the power to force it to change its disciplinary decisions, did say that the social media giant must revisit its policies on the issue in six months’ time, they also upheld the permanent suspension of Trump’s account from the site.

“This is a moral outrage, and I am absolutely sickened by Facebook’s oversight board forcing us down the road of corporate communism,” Greene said during a press conference she assembled this morning. “As a rock-ribbed, dyed in the wool, small market conservative, I want nothing more than to force this private company to host any content our Dear Former President — and anyone who agrees with our white nationalist platform — wants them to host, period!”

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Greene, smoking crack the entire time, laughed away questions from reporters about comparisons between Trump’s Facebook account and bakers who refuse to serve minorities or members of the LGTBQ community.

“First off off, fuck you for asking me a question that mocks me with critical thinking. When we retake the House, Senate, and Iron Throne, you will be cast out from the Moon Window, I promise you,” Greene said, crack smoke issuing forth from her frothing, catcher’s mitt-like lips. “Second of off, though, it’s like, way more differenter. Because we don’t like the gays or the browns, but we love our orange, tiny-handed man! But if you wanna get cute, fine. Yes, I think Facebook should have to bake Trump’s bullshit cake, absolutely.”

Rep. Greene then argued that Trump’s lies and sympathetic posts toward the violent insurrectionists that cost him his Facebook account in the first place should be “protected by the Constitution and our Holy God above.” She believes that Trump’s rights were violated by Facebook, and Greene says they should be “forced to pay the price for treason.”

“Do we even live in America anymore if private companies can’t be forced to post racist screeds on their bathroom walls, or on their servers, if that’s their business,” Greene asked rhetorically. “In the America I want to live in, a Jewish baker should be forced to make a cake for a Nazi as long as that Nazi is wearing a MAGA hat, and let’s be real here. Chances are that Nazi’s gonna be wearing a MAGA hat.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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