Greene Will Chair House Subcommittee on Presidential Offspring Dick Pics

When Rep. Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) squeaked through on his fifteenth attempt to secure enough support from his fellow Republicans to become Speaker of the House, speculation began almost immediately as to how he would decide committee assignments. Republicans have been threatening since before the 2022 mid-terms to investigate President Joe Biden thoroughly, and have zeroed in clandestine pictures of his son Hunter’s genitals as a means to that end.

This morning, McCarthy announced that he had been successfully lobbied by a handful of Republican congressional representatives to establish a new, special select subcommittee, and he had already made the determination who should lead it.

“It is with great honor, and an acknowledgment that she has me by the balls, that I announce today the formation of the House Special Select Subcommittee on Presidential Offspring Dick Pics,” McCarthy told reporters, “and none other than the Dishonorable Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia will chair the committee. I’m confident she’ll train her secret space laser-like sights on Hunter Biden’s dong, and bring it to light. Because every American has a right to see politically-motivated revenge porn.”

Greene, standing next to McCarthy, made a short speech after the announcement was made, and stamping her feet three times to indicate she was happy about getting the coveted chair position on the committee.

“It will be the honor of my lifetime to find the dirt necessary to impeach and remove Hunter Biden’s laptop from any and all offices of power,” Greene said through her feedbag. “But more so than that, I really look forward to forcing the mainstream media to show Hunter’s dick to everyone, because I am convinced that if more people had seen Hunter’s dick in 2020, my Dear President would still be in office, and we wouldn’t have even needed to try our failed coup.”

@jamboschlarmbo #KevinMcCarthy and the #HouseGOP are laser focused on the big issues. #MarjorieTaylorGreene #politics #political #satire #politik ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This