Graham: Biden Should Be Impeached for Afghanistan and How Little Face-to-Balls Time He Gets

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Elected pro-MAGA Republicans have been relentless in the past few days in their calls for the impeachment of President Joe Biden. At the center of their complaints is the handling of the drawdown of U.S. troop presence in Afghanistan, which was initially put into motion by former, one-term, twice forever impeached daughter lusting President Donald J. Trump.

This morning, one of Trump’s most loyal taint polishers signaled his support for impeaching Biden, and added his voice to the chorus of right-wing politicians demanding the president be held accountable for ending a war almost no one thought the U.S. should be fighting anymore anyway.

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“Look, as a Republican, of course I think Joe should be impeached for being a Democrat, being a Democrat who worked with a black president, and for being a soyboy betacuck commie in general,” Graham told Fox News today. “But, more specifically, clearly he needs to be impeached for Afghanistan. That’s a mess, and it’s all his fault he didn’t do a better job doing what Forever God King President Trump wanted to do months earlier.”

Graham also divulged that it’s not just the Afghanistan pull-out that he thinks Biden should be punished for.

“Did you know that Biden hasn’t had me over to the White House a single time yet? How does he expect me to help him if he won’t give me the same face-to-balls time that Don Trump gave me,” Graham asked incredulously. “C’mon Joe! You know I gotta be fired up somethin’ fierce if I’m okay with putting an urban vagina-haver in the Oval instead of an old white man!”

Thus far, President Biden has not backed down from his decision to have all U.S. forces out of Afghanistan by the end of August. Over the past several days, tens of thousands of people have been airlifted out of Afghanistan ahead of that deadline. However, Graham says those airlifts are “not enough.”

“Whether or the administration oversees the largest rescue operation in history is not as important as whether or not I get one-on-one time with a presidential fruit basket,” Graham said. “It’s so mean for Biden to take one of my most favorite pastimes away from me like that.”

The White House did not provide a comment on this story.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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